Hi Matt

Thanks for sharing and I’m glad to say I can identify with this entirely. A very similar situation happened with me – 11 years, two kids and whilst not an affair, an ex who started chatting to someone she started seeing straight away, whilst leaving me in the dark during the final weeks leading to our split.

I can only speak from my experience. It has taken me nearly two years to forgive and to let go of this past relationship. I took up yoga and did a bit of meditation, both of which have helped. I forced myself to move on with my life, and that has definitely helped. I still think of what happened and those events, but time helps an open wound to scar. But the scar will always be there. Accept that. It becomes part of us. I read a brilliant book called The Reality Slap – it helped me to understand what happened, that the only person you really know is yourself and that, over time, you can begin to appreciate what happened because you can’t help but learn from it.

Even if your ex doesn’t show it to you, I guarantee that she will be feel sorry, ashamed even. And if she doesn’t then I would suggest you are better off without her. It is so hard when you share children – I see my ex once or twice every week during handover. But in letting go and forgiving, indifference comes and that is when you will start moving on properly.

We all only have one chance at this thing called life, and we all make mistakes. I would suggest keeping yourself in the present, force yourself to things you enjoy even if you think you won’t enjoy them. Sleep well (that took me some time), exercise, eat well and talk to your friends about your feelings – don’t feel you can’t talk to them even though it was two years ago.

You will get there.

Jamie