I suspect on some level ~ a level that she can’t even think about ~ your ex feels shitty for what she did. No woman wants to brag about adultery, about breaking up a family, having the children cry at night for their Father. It is so painful and uncomfortable she can’t even think about it and so she goes about with an easy breezy veneer. It would be different if you did something Epic to disappoint her, but it seems it just unraveled by itself. Trust me for 99% of women we would feel terrible about our part of a marriage failing on some level. Otherwise she would be a sociopath.

Also, even in the best of marriages with the best of people ~ if there’s a divorce, everyone Has Words. Words that are shocking that you will remember for decades. That is normal.

It may take years (and years and years) but you will grow older. She will grow older. You will be different people altogether. You will see each other at every graduation, wedding and baptism. And eventually you will be OK with that.

My parents ~ both had spit and bile for each other for 20 years. Now they each ask tentatively, almost plaintively, about each other to me. Under deep anger is hidden great love.

Please look to the Light.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.