Hello again Lasse,

You are understandably looking at these relationships from a particular perspective and with a bias. Sure, you are the common factor in all of these relationships, but it doesn’t mean that they all broke down due to any one particular reason that you could fix and then form a lasting relationship. It’s not just about you, but also about the other person. Now, we do tend to choose particular type of people, or rather, stay with particular types. Broken people tend to gravitate towards other broken people, and that doesn’t usually promise a healthy and lasting relationship. You have to have healthy people involved to have a healthy relationship. Healing can of course happen in a relationship as well, but romantic relationships by default aren’t supposed to be formed for therapeutic purposes. People who need to heal will need a lot of unconditional love, and romantic love isn’t unconditional. Of course you can have both in a relationship, but if you have two people who both need it and don’t have it, then where is it going to come from?

The point of this is that it’s not about you as a person being somehow unfit for relationships, but if you are at a point in life where you feel depressed, then it is going to affect your choices in partners as well, and those choices aren’t necessarily going to be very good.

I would like to recommend a book for you, not for the purpose of you looking at where you might be going wrong, but to see what a healthy relationship might look like. Not just how you “should” behave in a relationship, but also, what to expect from the other person. If someone leaves you and cuts all contact without any explanation, it says much more about them than it does about you. That is not a situation where you should look for yourself for fault, but to see the other person as incapable of handling an adult relationship. You can though ponder why did you choose to be with her instead of someone else. Preferably ponder from a neutral perspective, and not passing judgement.

Anyway the book is David Richo’s “How to be an Adult in Relationships”: http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful-ebook/dp/B00HZ374KY/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=04F4EG905C24JC4DPWHK I have it on Kindle myself, as it’s a quick and cheap way to get the book. If you don’t have a Kindle reader, you can always read the Kindle books in a browser as well, or get a free Kindle software for your computer. I am also a big fan of Nathaniel Branden, who’s books on self-esteem also show interesting patterns on how people with low self-esteem look at relationships and love.

You can’t expect to change those things overnight and even if you felt better about yourself and felt more confident in getting into a relationship again, it still wouldn’t be a guarantee of a successful relationship. But you might be able to handle disappointments better when you see things from a different perspective.

Love will come your way when you let it.