As someone who is very close to your age and growing up in an abusive environment. i can definitely relate to the feeling of not knowing what to do next and feeling pressure that I need to experience something to makeup for my past.
Do you think you may not have forgiven the past yet? Do you feel that you have been robbed of time because of your past? Do you consider yourself a victim?
The experiences we have all shape us for who we are, they are all significant, even if it doesn’t seem this way. I bet you can gain a lot of insight from your experiences of being abused. I cannot speak for you, but in my experiences of overcoming past trauma, I learnt that I am able to be more understanding and self-aware. I would not have begun my journey into discovering myself further without the pain as a driving factor. You are a survivor of abuse, not a victim. I definitely think it is a good idea to stay away from your family until you are feeling better if the flashbacks are occuring.
Going with how our experiences shape us, when you feel stuck and don’t know what to do, the best thing may be actually to do something. It doesn’t have to be major like careers. It can be simple like reading a book, watching videos on youtube, a movie. The point is to give yourself the freedom to reward yourself something.
Warmest Regards,
Alana
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 