Yohannes,
You ARE special. You do have gifts to offer the world. The world can’t function without you. Consider this, you had the strength to post this topic and reach out for help…someone somewhere is going to read this and realize that their struggle isn’t specific to them. They’re going to identify with you and it’s going to bring them comfort far greater than any degree or job you could have had. We all place so much emphasis on our achievements that are career based. Careers and education don’t mean an damn thing Yohannes. Don’t pile up so much unfair pressure on yourself. I have been in some extremely dark places..a lot like where you’re at now and you know what gets me out of them?? The friendly mailman at the post office, the panhandler giving me a smile when I give him a dollar, the guy at the gym who strikes up a conversation with me about nothing in particular, the girl in the elevator at work taking about how she wishes it was Friday. None of these people are rocket scientists, they’re just regular people doing the best they can. Please Yohannes, don’t hold yourself up to some kind of standard that doesn’t exist. I took a class on stress and anxiety reduction and 90% of the folks in it were doctors and lawyers, what’s that tell you?? Career and money mean absolutely NOTHING. I met a shoe shiner in New Orleans, he would make a few bucks a day, enough to live on and he was the happiest guy in the world..not because he was so successful but because he didn’t let life and comparisons get on top of him. I promise you Yohannes, you will bounce back and feel great, then you’ll fall back down and fell bad again…and so forth and so on. That’s life and that’s the way it’s supposed to be but you can reduce the negative reverberations by just doing the best you can and patting yourself on the back for doing so. And honestly, if you have trouble giving yourself a break, don’t beat yourself up about it, we all do it. I do it all the time but I try my best to stay mindful of the fact that I’m being hard on myself or I’m comparing myself to others, etc. The law of science and nature isn’t a theory, it’s a fact..nothing can stay the same forever. No matter how badly you get down on yourself, you will bounce back. That’s just life. I know we don’t know each other but I have so much love for you and your suffering Yohannes, but more than anything I believe in you. I really do. You’re stronger than you think my friend. Everyone who replied to you genuinely cares about you because you are an honest and sincere person who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable. You probably don’t even realize how difficult that is to embody those characteristics. And as far as what you can offer to your girlfriend…you can offer her your honesty, your heart and your caring. In this world, those are the hardest things to come by and you appear to have that in spades my friend. You should be proud of yourself. Sending you lots of love and strength my friend.

-G