Thanks for all the kind words 🙂 I think the problem is, my breakdown really took a lot from me, including faith and confidence in myself. I would love to do stuff like volunteering and get back out there, but my mental and physical energy is very poor. Even at family parties I have to go lie down for a while at some point. I used to exercise like a fiend and had to stop because after my breakdown I would be a complete mess after light exercise (and I used to run half marathons). It feels like the TMS is starting to work though, as I’ve gone back to doing very short runs and hope to build on that.

Everything is foggy, concentration is difficult. I used my mind to achieve things and create my own safety, and all of that feels gone. I feel very broken. I would make a list of things I like about myself, but I feel very far from being the person I know and love.

This should be a time for me to work through childhood issues and heal things I never paid attention to before, and I’m doing that. But there’s a family that needs me to pull it together soon, and disability only lasts a few more months. We are moving to be closer to our extended family and they all love me, but it’s hard to lose so much when I was feeling top of the world.