Yoda,

It takes time to get good responses, and most of us are usually pretty busy in our own lives too, the 4 hours with no response has little to do with you or your compass.

I’m sorry for your pain, brother, and can understand the difficulty in staying “on our side of the street”, such as taking responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. On one hand, the “whole ex situation” stirs up lots of feelings, but on the other, her business is her business. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Its normal, and natural to be a mix of angry and jealous when our ex starts dating again. Its fine to think its too soon, and perhaps it is, but to “hope she gets what she deserves” really just embitters your own heart. If you can, try to just rest with the hope that she figures out her balance, finds happiness, heals whatever hurts, and so forth. This disentangles your own heart from the situation, frees you up to think about other things. Process what you need to process, go punch a bag or do some squats, go for a run, cry it out, whatever feels right. Just don’t cycle in that want for her world to be painful. Not good for ya.

About the kids… yes, its dumb to put the kids in such a position, on top of all the other difficulty they may be going through, but it is what it is. Instead of attacking at her, such as “how dare she do that!”, consider just meeting it with grace. Such as a conversation with the kids “oh, don’t worry about that. Mom was just scared I’d be hurt. But you know how much fun mom is when she’s happy? She’s looking for that. Good for her!” or whatnot. Validate her side, assure the kids that mom is beautiful, a safe home, and then let it go. Maybe go out for ice cream, or to the zoo, or whatnot. Drop the mom side and just build your own memories. In the absence of the inner fight with their mom, you can just go party with your kids (in whatever way fits your mutual interests).

Finally, what work are you doing, in terms of grieving and healing? Seeing a therapist? Joined a support group? A yoga class? Good friends you can confide in? Its OK to feel like a balloon that’s going to pop, but try to reach out (more than just to internet forums). Being strong includes having the courage to get help when we need it.

Namaste, brother, may your heart grow lighter, stronger.

With warmth,
Matt