Thanks Matt, your advice (and occasional charming curse words) are great.

I should state that I definitely feel loveable, which feeds my impulses of anger that I’m not receiving love (or at least according to my counterproductive impulses).

The other impulse I’m feeling is a competitive one: it feels like she’s putting a lot on me, not asking for what I want and expressing her expectations for the work I need to do. It’s not even that she’s wrong, I just feel angry that she’s putting so much on me, when it’s clear we both have enormous work to do. I fear, however irrationally, that we will both work toward indulging her needs and any pain I have will be considered irrelevant.

Toward this, I am trying to disengage with my wants, pain, expectations and disappointments in her treatment of me, then selflessly and lovingly address her points above. I know that’s the route to take, but man, oh man, it’s not easy to undo many decades of thought patterns.