Hello, its my first time here and I really would appreciate some comments and/or guidance as I’ve hit a huge stumbling block.

Long story short, I am 2nd by three years of 2 children. Good middle class home. My sister and I fought a lot as she was somewhat domineering but we loved each other dearly as siblings. We both went to same school and studied at varsity afterwards. She did geology and I studied law.

My sister eventually found someone, married and had a baby girl. When the baby was eight months old, my sister came home one day and she was in a state, we had a fight and she left to go back to her house. She had a serious car accident that afternoon and was killed leaving her 8 month old behind.

Her husband and the baby moved into our house and we all looked after her. I felt responsible for my sisters death and as a god parent, an obligation to help out and look after the baby. I grew very attached to the baby quickly.

I had always struggled to keep work as the legal field is difficult. I had meant to go to the UK on a working holiday the year my sister passed, but stayed cause my mom asked me to. I was 25years old at the time.

At the same time, a girl I had met some years before came into my life and we began to date. A beautiful girl yet also somewhat domineering too.

A good number of years passed, I found a good job and became an underpaid, hard working Attorney (the firm being close to home). My girlfriend and I became more and more involved and she kept pushing me to move out or go to London or something, I never agreed as I had become attached to things at home which remained the same. My mom, dad, brother-in-law and I helping in what way we could to raise the baby.

8 years on, my relationship with my girlfriend became stressed and we would fight, break up, get back together and so it would go on. Culminating in a holiday away, I got a fright she was gone and something had happened to her. I went berserk and we had another fight and instead of confronting the situation, I shut her out for fear of hurt and instead hurt her in return. She decided to break up with me for good when we got back. I never thought I loved her but as soon as she was gone, I found out I loved her truly deeply and have basically gone mad since. Now she refuses to see me or talk to me.

Now I am 33yrs old still staying with my parents and I smoke like a chimney, my brother in law and the little girl are 8years on and seem to be moving on. I work a thankless job I have bled for without much pay.

There is MUCH detail left out as I can say I have been MUCH less than a good boyfriend although I always would go with the flow and very much enjoyed the times we had together. Now I smoke, there has been substance abuse and am unhealthy, I have lost all interest in my work, hobbies and home is less than a pleasure. My girlfriend and she is all I think about, morning day and night.

I am beyond despair at the moment. I love my parents (who have now retired) but they seem to want me to stay home, my mom has lost her birth certificate so I can’t apply for a UK visa.

Please help with some advise as, I feel trapped and I have no clue what to do and really feeling pressured.