Hi Alexandria,

You and I seem to be in a pretty similar boat. I’m 22, and I dated my ex/first love for around 2 1/2 years, and during the last year or so we had many problems, and many issues that often surrounded another “friend” of his (a girl). He used to make me feel very guilty and feel like I was in the wrong for being uncomfortable with the amount of time he wanted to spend with this girl, however in the end, it turns out I was right. We broke up some months ago (not specifically because of her), and he told me about a month and a half ago that they are “dating” now, and leaving the country together for a job opportunity abroad. Like you, I am the type who always tries to see the good in people, and always tried to remain on good terms with my ex. But also like you, after this piece of news, I realized I could not keep putting myself through this kind of pain and deleted him from everything. This tore him up too, but it had to be done. And, like you, I also accidentally came across a picture of the two of them together and it completely tore me up inside. I know exactly how you feel. As for jealousy, even though I am not usually like this, I too have recently found myself feeling twinges of jealousy around my friends who have significant others and who are happy. And sometimes my thoughts wander to my ex and this girl, and I find myself wondering how she compares to me. And again, like you, I’m fairly new to this site but I’ve also found it to be quite helpful:) Now maybe I can give back a little:)

Though I can’t speak as someone who has completely gotten over the pain that this kind of situation brings, I can share with you some insights that I have learned so far along the way and that have helped me in moving on. First of all, trust that you deserve better, because you do. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you completely happy, and who doesn’t care enough about you to respect you or to stop making empty promises and empty apologies. Second, allow yourself to feel everything. Don’t try to go around any of the hurt, but allow yourself to go through it. Embrace your suffering without nourishing it. You are so much more than one emotion, and so much more than one person (him). Let the feelings come but don’t attach yourselves to them…invite them in and let them pass. Also, always remember that whatever you feel is OKAY. There is NOTHING wrong with any of the negative emotions you experience, be they feelings of anger, betrayal, hurt, jealousy, etc. Don’t look at these emotions as a “problem,” but just as what is. And finally, the hardest part, learn to accept and let go. This is much easier said than done, of course, and I myself am still struggling with all of this as well, but I am getting better every day and I can see that this isn’t going to last forever. Believe that things work out they way they should in the end. Do things you love with the people you love and find yourself. I, for example, am also working abroad for the year doing what I love, and have met some amazing friends that I know will be there for life. Live now, and let go of what has hurt you in the past. Take care of your own happiness first, and in that way you’ll find it easier to make other people happy, too. Also, realize that this is normal and that you are not alone. Sometimes in life, these types of things happen, and they happen a lot and to a lot of people. This is not at all said with the intention to diminish the importance of your pain in comparison to someone else…I only say this because at least for me, it really helps knowing that other people have gone through this and have made it out the other end happy. So try your very best to breathe, accept, and let go. Know that it’s all okay.

We’re young, and we’re positive, and I like to believe that things will work out for us in the end:) Jealousy is one of the worst feelings you can encounter, in my opinion. It hurts a lot. But just think of all of the good things in life that you have, and will have. To quote U2, “What you don’t have, you don’t need it now.” I hope I was able to help even a little! Stay strong, it will be ok<3