I’m frustrated with how things went and how things are going. Gardener1, basically said that I got what I deserved for dating both of those women. Maybe she was right but I don’t know. Everything was in the basic stages of dating and nothing was too serious with either women, at first. The first woman I dated broke it off and I knew it wasn’t going to become anything with her. I was starting to have stronger feelings for the second woman and I was going to go in that direction as things started to become clearer. That didn’t matter, she wasn’t wanting to date me anymore, and I still think about her sometimes.

I hadn’t dated for 3 years since my marriage ended. All of this was new to me and never in my life has two women been wanting to spend time with me like that. Was I getting what I deserved at that time? Regardless of what anyone says, it felt good to be wanted by someone you were attracted to. I felt more confident, relaxed, and happy. I hadn’t felt that in years and it felt great. I’ve spent close to 4 years just focusing on my sons and making sure their lives were happy. I wasn’t running around, bringing new partners in, and then out of lives, and putting them second on many occasions, like their mom has. I think I deserved a little happiness for me.

I have to break of a habit of trying to meet someone online because no one responds to me now. I don’t know if these things go in cycles , but women were responding to me a lot the first time. I write the same sincere messages that I sent before but it doesn’t matter.
It’s difficult starting over. I had to do it 3 days after I turned 40 and I am still trying to pull everything together. I’m 43 now and I’ll be 44 in a few months. I feel like time is passing me by, and although I don’t really look or feel my age, women seem to see that as an old number.

My ex got my heart for almost 20 years and there were several times she just stomped on it. I feel I have so much to give to a relationship. I don’t know if I will get the chance.

P.S.
I’m glad things are going well with the guy that you wanted a relationship, Jeena.