Hi Moriah,

Most men have intense sexual urges and desires that have absolutely nothing to do with intimacy, love or romance. Most often, societal and relationship “rules” cause these feelings to become suppressed. They build up over time and cause an internal rift that results in feelings of intense frustration, confusion and loneliness. It’s an extremely isolating experience, because he obviously loves you, but his internal mechanisms are in deep conflict with the conditions of your relationship and he hasn’t felt its ok to talk about it. He allowed this side to surface and it caused you pain because you think of sexuality in terms of intimacy and love, and you were unaware of this part of him. He has no love for anybody else. He obviously loves you and values your relationship, but internally he seeks novelty that has nothing to do with love. He likely feels guilty, embarrassed and incredibly ashamed because his internal experience does not match what is expected of him. I’m not suggesting that his behaviors are acceptable, but I’m offering you a different perspective so you might understand better. I agree with Jade, you guys need to learn to talk openly about these things. There is a can of worms there, but if you both learn more open communication, you just might develop a new level of intimacy, trust and understanding in your relationship. My best to you both.