OK, now you are beating yourself up. Listen, everyone wants to be the hero in their own story, the good guy, but this one thing doesn’t make you the bad guy! There are no bad guys, just misguided people. So we don’t know the end game: Did he disappear? Stop returning your calls? Laugh at you? Maybe he is just as broken hearted as you are. Maybe he was, as you wondered, a player.
But the truth is you are married.
Sometimes to get over a deep hurt or an absent person you have to think of them as deceased so your mind doesn’t “go there”. So if you think “How could he do that to me”, replace that with “That nice person died, the other guy is his identical twin”. Not the answer but will help with the day to day thoughts. Because the person you bonded with, for whatever reason, is not there, and might as well be dead.
Your marriage you have to deal with whether you had an affair or not. I vote for making it better, or at least the attempt.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 