Hi Spidey,

I’ve been through this myself when I was at college and all through uni- so several years. Since that time I’ve learned how to turn the tables, I went from exactly where you are to having girls addicted to me, yes I appear very arrogant right now saying that, I’m aware of that, but I just want to tell you the truth so you know I’ve been through it and come out the other side successful.

Firstly, Dude is bang on the money, follow his advice. My intentions were also honourable as you put it, I’m very selective when it comes to women and I was in no way a user of women. There is a logic to women (I learned this from David DeAngelo, so I have to acknowledge him here, you can find his materials online), but it is counter-intuitive. The principle operating in your situation is identical to marketing: people want what they can’t have, it also works the opposite way. I can see you are beginning to grasp this but not putting it into action firmly enough. Do you think it is a coincidence that she suddenly started contacting you after you didn’t talk to her “all spring and summer”?

You still have a chance with this woman as you haven’t done anything horrendously needy to end all hope, but it is on the edge of a knife. What I would personally do here is not contact her at all now. I think she will initiate contact again in time, not definitely but there’s a good chance. If and when she does, reply but fairly nonchalantly, without being rude though. Just keep your reply short and sweet. If you get this far she will probably suggest meeting up in some way shortly later (again wait for her to contact you!). Say NO to this request! That you’re busy whatever and maybe some other time, but don’t promise anything, that’s it for now. This is the point the tables begin to turn. Again, wait for her to initiate, there’s a very good chance she will later on. If she does then again I’d be quite nonchalant and say I’m busy then, but maybe in two weeks time etc, text me again around that time and maybe we can meet. An excellent thing which David D says it to never give a direct answer to a woman unless it’s “NO”, that keeps the stock prices high so to speak.

Now, that was the short-term, technique answer. However, all of the above is just technique and you can use it with success with practice, however it is not really authentic- you are acting not-needy but really, inside you are needy, otherwise you literally wouldn’t invest so much of yourself into it. I can tell you that if you just learn the logic and apply it and become successful with women, it will not make you happy. I wish I could make you believe me but there is no way I can, you may have to go through this yourself to know for yourself that this is true. This is the reason I’ve told you the technique, some on here will likely criticise me for doing so because I’m teaching you to not be authentic. The truth is, I’ve told you what to do so that you can walk the path yourself, come out the side, and become a better person because of it. The real answer is I’m afraid, as usual, not a quick fix, the real answer is to address your inner self- to create a strong boundary (you will then naturally be non-needy), how to have strong integrity, keep your power/self-esteem, basically how to become a mature, masculine man. By the way I’m still learning, and I’m not being critical of you here, we are all at our own stage of growth, you are clearly already way ahead of the game compared to many. But if you learn this, think what a gift to a great woman you will be in the future, and a gift to the world! I actually invested in David D’s ‘inner game’ program which is what started me on this path. I can tell you that although it’s a struggle at first, if you commit to it, the results are more than worth it, all aspects of your life will improve!

This is a highly pervasive issue in modern day society, all the people on dating sites NEEDING a partner (not all admittedly, but many). Feeling complete yourself first is essential. This is also the only way I believe to have a truly healthy relationship because true love is an act of giving, if you come to a relationship to get something, to fill a missing part inside, then it will lead to trouble somewhere along the line. Someone does not complete you, strive to be already complete, then if a relationship comes along it will be the icing on cake- you will already be happy mind, it is doable!. Too many have no ‘cake’ to start with and want someone else to be the cake.

A pitfall to avoid if you do walk this path is that, you are not trying to make yourself better, but rather learn what it takes to be the real you you are capable of being deep down. For example, rather than feeling all needy around a woman, which consequently prevents you from being yourself, when you lose the neediness (which pushes women away, people in general for that matter), women will feel drawn towards you when you interact with them, it’s surreal when this happens. However, it is important to still keep your integrity at such times, if you feel the woman is not right for you you honour that and do not take advantage of her. Do it if you want and you will feel the consequences of your actions very quickly inside. Anyway, getting ahead of myself here

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Ben.