Yes. I went over everything. Every mistakes I did. To be honest I hurt him here and there along the way and I know it. It’s amazing that he had even considered to forgive me. But I know I did made up for it. Though I did kept asking myself what if I didn’t hurt him that way, will his feelings not fade? But realised soon after, I’m just human. I make mistakes big or small. And you know, I really did my best to make up for it.

He made me a better person. I know he did. Because of him, I made peace with my mom. Because of him I became who I am today. I don’t know if I even helped him. But I remember he used to be a scared boy. But now he’s a grown man with firm decisions. We may never be together again. We may. I don’t know. But either way I know this wasn’t a mistake. We were best friends. Now we’re just strangers but I’d like to convince myself that it was right. We might have ended. But it was right. I can’t imagine seeing him in the future as a stranger just saying hi. But if that’s how life is for me, I need to walk it on my own feet.

Honestly it hurts me to even type all these no kidding. But somehow I know it’s the right thing.

I may never understand why it ended. The answer might never come to me. But I loved him all my best. I know he knows that. And I know that our love was really true. It was sacred. And I will keep it that way. I will not dwell into hatred like how most people would. Because I love this man with all my life. And I believe, if he decided this way, there’s a reason for it. Even if it’s because of the other girl he was talking to, if I am not the one to make him happy, I cannot force it I know.

It will be such a hard journey to walk without him. And even worse, knowing that he chose to leave me. But this is a journey I have to walk through with my own bare feet. I do not have to be with him to love him. I do not need him to feel my love. Sometimes letting go is love. Sometimes, giving up fighting is also love. Because love has so many forms and it shouldn’t be fixed.

Obviously I still hope we have a chance in the future. But… I’m trying to kill myself by telling myself it will never happen. Because I don’t want to hold on to false hope. I really want to move on completely and not putting one feet in the past. God bless all of you. And I hope you’ll be alright soon enough too. (Why am I saying this while I’m in such a dark deep hole compared to you)