@elizabeth_Mack oh don’t worry. i appreciate both of your advices coming from two different point of view. And I think I’m really in the middle.

It really hurts me seeing how he doesn’t even care or respect my feelings. It’s been months since I last cried for the break up and this incident made me cry like a baby all over again. And thus, in this state I really think I shouldn’t be contacting him at all. I’ve already replied him as positive as I can.

your advice actually made me realise how ridiculously rude he was. I ranted in FB (i know i shouldn’t. but i admit i’m childish and it does make me feel more at ease. but it doesn’t stop me from hurting at all) and i belive his friends would have showed him what I said too; about how it’s fine that he doesn’t respect our relationship but disrespecting me even after 5 months by bothering me with his new girl problems. He should deal with his own girl problem that he signed up for. He let go of our long term relationship for a ridiculous relationship of 5 months (officially 3 weeks); so how can he expect to confide in me?

your advice brought out the strength in me
animalkindness’s advice brought out the forgiving side of me. (if not I would have sent him a last message about his disrespectful he is and he can talk to me about anything but if he wants to talk about his girl, go find someone else to talk to).

@tigger-yuko

You have no idea how much sharing your story means to me.
I live really well right now, but I really see no light. I feel empty. So what if I’m eating, living, working and enjoying my life well? I feel so empty without him. Will I really forget him one day? Our love felt so right, and I feel like I’ll never feel the same again. Meeting someone new… will it be as great as this? Will he understand me as much as my ex? Will I be able to love him as much as my ex? Will I be able to love a new person without an inch of love left for my ex?

Can I love like a new person again?

That was all the questions in my head. I really really gave up on relationship now. I really felt like I can never go through another similar one. Nothing will be as good as this.

And tbh, I can’t forgive myself for the mistake ive done. I feel like I was the one who destroyed us. I drove him away. I know, I need to forgive myself and accept things. But it’s so hard when you know you’re the one who destroyed the one thing you held so dearly.

based on what you’ve said, there’s nothing more I should say to him because it’s over. It’s unnecessary. Nothing I say can change anything. I know that. I know it. But ‘what ifs’ keep playing in my head. WHAT IF, he wanted to talk to me, but is holding back as much as I am too? What if he feels too guilty to talk to me? What if he didn’t talk to me because on social media I look so happy and cheerful with my life? Should i let him know that my heart is still aching too? If he knows would that make it easier for him to approach me?

I know what I need to do, but as you can see, I have a problem.

@Andy,
I’m glad you didn’t send anything either. I think it would have been a punch in our face again. I guess I just have to live with it. Yeah, my friend is. He also said that ‘your emotions are precious you said, that’s why don’t give it anymore to someone who doesn’t appreciate it in the first place. Keep it in for yourself and keep it safe’

@npelr2009 Thanks for reminding me. I won’t lie, I think I was waiting for 3/5. Thank God for all of you who stopped me. *hugs* I’m obviously not very smart with my life choices!

Jade

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by jade green.
• This reply was modified 9 years ago by jade green.

Hi Andy,

That’s such a weird coincidence. perhaps today is the day where everyone wishes to write their ex an email.

I cried and talked and cried to another friend who said to me ‘if i were to send it for a closure, go on. However, if even one inch of you is expecting something back, don’t; because he doesn’t care about you the way you care about your feelings’.

Then I decided not to. Not because I felt the same way as you. But because I know that if I sent it, I would be expecting something more. For him to perhaps, tell me, he still loves me to. And most likely, he doesn’t no more and that would hurt myself even more.

It’s been 3 months since we broke up. I thought I was living happily. Until I started missing him and crying the entire night again.
I wanted to write a letter to him to tell him how much I love him, but all my friends told me not to do it. They said that he should already know.

‘If after everything you’ve done for him, he still doesn’t know then he does not deserve to know.’

So I gave up writing a letter. But I still couldn’t let it go. I desperately just want him to acknowledge my love, before I fully let go of everything. I’ve even played a song for him. I tried so hard to not cry and eventually broke down after it.

I didn’t email the link to him or anything yet. I wanted to send a scheduled email with the link inside for his birthday 3 years later dated now.

Why 3 years later? Because i can’t do it now. Because… I just can’t contact him now. I just can’t do it. If i sent it later, i might already have forgotten all my feelings. To me, what matters most is the present. If I can give the love in my present to him in the future, I’m happy. I just can’t watch my love towards him rot and die away like this. I truly love him, my feelings are precious to me. I honestly think it should be acknowledge.

Am I being foolish?

p/s: I might look and sound like I’m really young in the video but I’m seriously not. so no, I’m not a teenager with puppy love.

@Euipoi said:
*EDIT I think right now, you should really focus on things that make you happy. Enlighten yourself, don’t expect others to bring you happiness. Be the source of your own happiness.

(I wish i could write more but i have to leave!)

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I’m glad you’ve found your happiness. I know, to be honest I know deep inside that I’m the only one that can drag myself out of this darkness. But I’m seriously all OVER the place.

I told him, I never knew he felt that way. Like… if he said something about it I would have done anything. I’m not saying this because I’m in a post breakup phase. Everyone knows I gave him my all. There is nothing I won’t do for him. I thought I did my best but all I did was to make him feel that way. He said a lot of hurtful things to me for the past month since the break up. I don’t know whether I’m just stupid but right after I texted him all those things. I blocked him. I just couldn’t handle what he’d say to me. I know he’s going to say something that hurts me. Because I’ve been trying for the past few weeks. I’ve asked him to rethink, I’ve asked him if theres something I can do… I think he really just wants to get away from me.

@syfy said:
Hi there,

I am sorry that you are going through such hard times. It is painful but everything is going to be ok, I promise you that 🙂

First, breathe.

Second, stop analysing. You are painting your relationship a perfect picture because you just lost it. You are having withdrawal symptoms. Like an addict craving for his next dose. I kid you not. It has been verified by science.

Third, the chances of him still loving you a lot are high judging from his replies He is also in a lot of pain.

Fourth, if you want him to come back, no guarantee … but you have to sort yourself out first (for him and more importantly for yourself. I understand you have a lot going in your life but so does everyone. No one including your family, friends and him has an obligation to let you vent your frustrations on (I am not saying you do but the chances of you involuntarily doing that are high. I did that to my ex and I have friends and family doing that to me now). If you are a wreck, who wants to be around you? Everyone likes to be around genuinely happy people. Being happy seems unattainable in your current state now but it is ok. You have to let your emotions flow and don’t deny them but you have to learn how to express them in a constructive way. This takes time but it is ok 🙂

Fifth, exercise. Go out for runs or walks. Go outdoor and get some fresh air. Coping in your room doesn’t help at all. Listen to happy music. Just google them.

Hope this helps you a bit. I promise you, everything is going to be ok as long as you breathe 🙂

Hong

Oh my god. You’re right. I actually took a deep breath. And I feel a little calmer.

2. I don’t know if it’s really a withdrawal symptoms. I was like euipoi. I thought the relationship was perfect all along. I didn’t see this coming.

3. After his text yesterday, to be honest I feel like he hates me. I did talked to one of our mutual friend who has always been close to both of us. That friend is pretty impartial and he did told me few months ago that my BF was ignoring me and saying mean things to me so that I would break up with him. I obviously didn’t believe it. I thought he was impartial. Why did he say that? And I talked him today because I felt so horrible. I showed him the text my bf (or now ex) sent and he literally just said ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with him. It’s like he’s nuts. You’ve been doing so much and he hasn’t been lifting his fingers at all. Now he’s saying as if he’s the only one that suffered in the relationship’.

But no, I believe he’s not an asshole. I know he’s not a jerk that people say. He’s a proper sweetheart that everyone likes. But I don’t know what went wrong. To be honest, I didn’t mind being the only that’s trying to solve the problem within us. I really don’t mind being the one that always plans because when I see him smile I feel like it’s all worth it. Afterall who says a girl has to always wait for a guy to do something isn’t it? What if the guy is just… passive like him? All I needed to know what he was CRAZY about me for 3 whole years until we started dating. I know he loves me. That’s all I need to know. But now… I don’t know. I don’t know if he loves me anymore. You said that he does but… I don’t know. I’m really scared. If he’s hurting like you said, it hurts me as well. I want to be there to heal his pain. But he doesn’t want me to be there.

4. I think I’ve been bottling up my feelings. I haven’t vented my frustrations on anyone. If I did, I probably didn’t realise it. I live alone. My family is 5000 miles away. My mom is angry at me (that’s how she is when she cares) whenever she hear me crying on the phone. My dad scolded me (that’s how he is when he cares) whenever I called him and started crying without even managing to say a word. I miss them so much, and I really want to hear their voice. But I can’t say a word.

The friends I have here, are people I don’t really know. So I didn’t even tell them at all that I broke up. I smile and laugh, and felt tired. Then I’ll make some excuses to go home to break down. But I know, I’m a wreck. I’m everywhere. I fall apart everyday. I try to get myself together every morning just to fall apart in the afternoon. I’m so tired I just want to lie in bed whole day. (I know how pathetic that sounds). But I didn’t. I managed to do my daily activities just fine.

5. I’ve jogged a few days ago. It really tires me out to the point I can’t think. I’ll be doing that often but the rain is not permitting me to do so now. None the less, thank you for the suggestions. I will… run it all out.

And yes, I’ll breathe.

I wondered what made a person threw a way all they had for years. But… I think secretly I know the answer. He doesn’t want it as bad as I do. He doesn’t love me as much to want it anymore. I just can’t accept it. I just… hope that this is all a nightmare.

Thank you. So much.