Hi Jade,
First off, wow you have had to deal with a lot. My hat goes off to you girl!

Secondly he’s being plain disrespectful to you for not just contacting you but telling you about how distraught he is about this girl breaking up with him. You don’t deserves this.

Now to answer your question. In all honesty who knows what he’s trying to do. No one will ever have access to his thoughts or motives except for him and then again maybe he doesn’t know. That’s not the point. The point is about you Jade. From your message it sounds like your confused and justifyingly so about his actions. What does his actions show? He doesn’t respect the 5 year relationship you two had together and he doesn’t respect you enough not to bother you, thinking he can confide in you. Newsflash to your ex boyfriend: the right for him to be allowed to confide in you was severed when he chose to break up with you. You said you are trying to act neutral about this and at one point said you don’t want to be mean. You are not being mean. Putting up boundaries is not mean. Another point you mentioned is how insulted you feel and that he’s making you feel worse. My advice is reread your message focusing on you instead of him. You don’t have to answer his messages. Set boundaries. Don’t worry about coming off nice to him but about being nice to yourself. He doesn’t deserve this special treatment. By you responding to his messages and being neutral and supportive you are saying it’s ok for you to treat me like this. Take this from someone who got her heart broken too. When my ex brok off our three year relationship with me and we later talked about the relationship I tried to appease him by being the understanding ex when he told me I wouldn’t be good enough. I ended up texting him that he should text me when he realizes his mistake and he told me he would text me in a couple of years, pretty much giving him the ok to swing by whenever he pleases.
The point that I’m trying to make is that the exes in our lives Jade don’t deserve us and that by you and me saying it’s ok for them to treat us as dispensible and merely come in when they please and they will be welcomed with open arms says that we need to put boundaries up (not responding or honestly tell them to respect our boundaries and goodbye). If you need to, print out those texts he sent you to show how disrespectful he actted towards you so when he does respond you can be reminded that he doesn’t deserve your response or support. In the mean time, drink martinis, do your favorite aerobic sport, pick up an interesting hobby, hang out with friends and family, and enjoy your life:) I hope this helps and best of luck to you my dear:)

Hi, I know somewhat of what your going through because I can relate. When you honestly love someone its just so hard….

I also had a boyfriend of 3 years, he decided to leave me a year ago. And ever since then there has been nothing but ambiguity and mind games. He cant exactly let me go, & wants to keep me as a friend for who knows what intention.
I know exactly how you feel insulted. I felt extremely insulted too when my ex says he wants to keep me as a friend but somehow I wasn’t good enough as a lover. Regardless of what your friends tell you, that you shouldn’t contact, you should do what you feel you should do. Friends always say these kind of things and will always be biased to have your back over his, that’s why you should do what you want from your own heart.
Other people donot know how your relationship really was. I read your other posts about the letter or things you wanted to say to him but wanted to wait 3 years later or something.
All I can Say is Breakups are full of Mind games. That’s why relationships are pretty broken after breakups, because of all the ambiguity and mind games.
I think You should go on out, say what you must so that in this way you know that you tried alot and can minimize regrets of things u wished u said . If you want to let him know that you love him, Tell him. if you want to know what he wants from you, Tell him that you want to know his intentions, If what he said hurts you, tell him it hurt you how he broke up with you and left you for somebody else but that You still love him very much but is very hurt but will always love him, don’t act like your not hurt, you just cant play these games that go on and on. Communication is key to any and all relationships.
be honest to each other. Im purty sure he misses you too. But take it slow aswell.

Know what you want and know what he wants, the mind games hurt more than anything and make you guys even more bitter and more drift apart. Remember my sweet darling, it takes suffering and pain and mistakes to make people learn and grow. You have to learn to forgive. Think about the positive to come out of this relationship fall. Maybe you know deep inside part of it was ment to happen. I know for sure my relationship with my mom improved after I was destroyed by ex. As much as I suffered, good did come out of it, I also grew as a person.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by miko.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by miko.