Welcome Dan,

It probably sounds weird but I feel the same a lot with other people esp regarding making friends. I think one thing I had to realize for me is that there are just some people that I just don’t get along with personality wise. Please don’t think I mean I think I’m better than them, that’s just not of part of who I am but I think about it this way, there are billions of people on this earth, the odds you are going to enjoy spending time with all of them is, I think impossible. I’m not saying I won’t talk and listen to them, Im very friendly but just wouldn’t actively make life long friends with them purely because there likes are not something I would find interesting.

I’m sure your probably wondering, Why am I saying all this. The main reason is that you said you were stressing about connecting with people/ make friends. One question maybe you could ask yourself, is why you feel the urgent need to make friends. I think society defeintly puts pressure on people to have lots of friends but the reality is, this doesn’t suit every personality especially if your an introvert (personality type). Maybe just for a while work on loving yourself and finding out who you are as a person (what you truly enjoy out of life) and forget about making friends. It’s great to have friends but it’s not an end all situation.

Another suggestions maybe the people your trying to make friends with, talk with simply don’t interest you in regards to your likes. An example for me is I love nature, animals ect but if I have a conversation with a person who loves gaming, xbox, technology, I will listen and of course be interested but if the conversation is the same topic over and over again I just can’t fake interest, purely because it does not interest me. And there is nothing wrong with this, it just means your personalities are different. Maybe you could join a group that has the same interest as you eg if you love yoga, join a yoga group……… Obviously doesn’t have to be yoga but I hope you understand what I mean.

I promise I’ll stop talking soon, but one other thing I’ll mention due to personal experience with social anxiety, maybe you find it hard to concentrate on answering because you are constantly thinking they will judge you if you say the wrong thing so you end up agreeing even if you didn’t meant to. Obviously only you will know whats appropriate to your situation but you could always see a good councillor to explore the issue further if you find it is bothering you or interfering with your life.

Hope it helps and made some sense to you. Good luck with everything 🙂 🙂

No one on here knows you personally so what we may suggest is purely based on our personal opinions and what information you have provided so please don’t get offended or think my advice is right for you or that I’m judging you because I’m honestly not and just want to help. I sincerely hope things are going better for you and I’m sorry this has happened and hope my advice can help your personal situation.

To answer the question you posted, well that’s a yes and no. I personally know a man who cheated on his partner and they are now married and have two children. But there was a difference in the fact that he told his partner straight away (that week) what he had done, as it was a once of event. I’m not saying it can’t happen because it could but that will really depend on your x and if he can ever learn to forgive you.

Trust me, I understand people make mistakes, in fact everyone does so please, what happened is in the past and we can not change the past, we can only accept it and learn from it so we do not repeat the same mistakes and you really do sound like you have learnt this lesson. I am proud of you for accepting you have made a mistake and trying to better yourself because of it. That takes a lot of courage because I think every person knows it’s not easy confronting personal issue’s.

I also understand it is hard to have everyone you knew and thought of you as ‘good’ turn there backs on you but you also need to remember you made this choice, knowing there would be consequences. I understand you might be angry at your friends, this is not to be ashamed by, it just reminds you your human but this is a good time to learn and practice the very compassion you yourself would like.
Firstly compassion for your friends – it sounds stupid but you have also betrayed there trust and put them in a hard spot to choose. I don’t think it’s that your friends do not like you anymore or even hate you but if you and your x were friends with all of them, then they may feel they have to choose to side with your x, as they may feel morally obligated to do so.
Compassion for his family – you say you wasted 6 years of your life bonding with his family but you also have to remember they may feel they have also wasted 6 years of there life as well as there son’s life, which let’s be honest most parents will choose there children’s well being over that of someone else. You may have shattered there dreams for grandchildren and there son being married so please understand why they may not be able to forgive you.

Compassion for the wife – I apologise in advance if maybe I interpreted what you wrote wrong but it seems you feel angry at the wife for exposing you but please remember this wife has every right to know the women who slept with her husband, I’m not saying how she handled it was the best, but put yourself in her shoes, she may have given up a lot to be with this man who she loved and he has betrayed and deceived her almost every chance he has gotten and she most likely took her anger out on you as she had no way to take it out on her husband (he could be financially supporting her, or they have children ect). Please be grateful she has not done anything more extreme, and just exposed the truth. Maybe this is divine timing and you were not meant to marry this man.

Compassion for yourself – I know a lot of people will judge you and I am sorry for that but unfortunately sometimes our bad choices may haunt us. Please realize you made a big mistake but it doesn’t define who you are as a person or that you have to punish yourself for the rest of your life because you still deserve to be happy. Relationships, especially love is complicated and think of it as a blessing. If you had got married and your x did not know the truth that kind of burden/secret would eventually of worn your self esteem down and could of even escalated into suicidal thoughts, which no one deserves to suffer.

Compassion for your X – If he can not forgive you, he has every right to choose what is best for him. It does not make him a bad person for not forgiving you, it simply makes him a person who is hurting. He may not be perfect in his thinking but his opinion is still his and you must accept and respect that and for the benefit of both of you guys, move forward.

I know you still love him and you will probably always think about him but judging by what you have written of his opinions it would be best to start a new chapter in your life and cut all contact and move on. If he wants to contact you in the future he will do so but for now concentrate on yourself. I’m pretty sure you have but if you haven’t already done so, maybe ask your self the question of why you had an affair, even though you loved your X. Maybe this will help you to gain insight into any self destructive thought patterns, so you can learn to love yourself again.
But please don’t fall into the victim mentality that you were wronged or that you deserved to be punished. ( it sounds silly, but it is sooooo easy to do when times are hard, I know this from personal experience, because it will only make it harder on yourself)

I am so sorry your going through this, when you love someone so deeply it can be so hard to think about your needs first. I can’t give you answers, just advice because I don’t know you personally and can only go by what you have written but it does sound like your partner could be a bit emotionally manipulative and controlling.
(I’m not saying this to lay blame as sometimes people do this behavior without even knowing it, as it’s what they themselves have learnt).
But from personal experience, in a ‘healthy’ relationship you should never have to give up anything you own for your partner (eg car and job, the enjoyment of going out). I learnt this the hard way and realized I was giving him my power because of the lack of love and worthiness I had for my self and yes I thought I had good self esteem but when I had time away from him and to do some soul searching, I realized I was to scared to deal with my true emotions.
Based on what you have written, I would suggest if you have somewhere else to stay that you take a break from the relationship, even if you are pregnant. It will give you time to think and if you are pregnant be in a less stressful environment. However it only works if you cut all contact, including messages. You are so young so you don’t need to rush and make all your choices now. Maybe explain to him you need time apart to think, as it sounds like this relationship is making you a ‘different’ person from who you are normally.
I know it hurts to think of the children missing you but as harsh as it sounds, they are not your children/responsibility and you need to do whats best for you not them, so if that is whats holding you back from living in an unstable environment please remember everyone has there own path to teach them lessons in life and maybe there lessons are different from yours.

Please don’t think I’m just telling you to leave forever because only you can decide if this relationship is appropriate for you or not and maybe this will help your partner change his ways, but I suggest seeing a councillor (either just you or both) to help with the issues you are facing and a no contact break would be a good idea.

I truly hope you find your answer to this problem and the courage to make the right choices for you and of course happiness.