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Long Distance Relationship Falling Apart

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  • March 9, 2015 at 8:41 am #73737
    Rhea W
    Participant

    Hey there everyone,

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a year and a half now. We met last fall while I was on a foreign exchange in Europe during a night out with friends. We started dating shortly after and it was a whirlwind romance, falling in love quickly and deeply. We went on weekend trips together and I got to meet his family and friends. He makes me laugh, he cares so deeply for me and I for him. It was amazing, I felt like I was in a fairytale. However, that fairytale had to end as my semester abroad had finished and I had to fly back home after 4 months together. We decided to continue the relationship long distance while I finished my undergraduate degree at my university back home. He visited me the following summer, and as nice as it was to have him here in Canada visiting me for two months, he was unhappy and it really strained our relationship. We got to see each other again this past Christmas as I went to Europe to spent a month with him and his family and friends, which was amazing, but I’ve been really struggling since getting back home.

    I feel like I am at a crossroads. I am 22, and I really love this man. He just finished his undergraduate degree and will be staying in Europe to do his master’s degree. I feel like to continue this relationship, I will have to go to live with him in Europe. As much as I think I would love it there, I can’t help but feel that this would come at the expense of leaving behind all my friends and family for good. I also want to travel and explore more of Europe as well as the rest of the world. I am specifically looking at teaching English in Korea for a year. But I feel like by choosing this path, I can’t be in a relationship with him. He is a great man, and I feel like I fit so well into his life in Europe. I feel like his friends are my friends and his family treats me like one of their own. Even my friends here in Canada support our relationship and think he is a great guy.

    I am so frustrated and torn up about what to do right now. On one hand, I want to do all this travelling and living abroad which he is not so keen about. But on the other hand, I can’t stand the idea of breaking up with him, my heart aches at the very idea of it, and I’m pretty much in tears just writing this. I would deeply appreciate any advise from you, please help.

    March 9, 2015 at 11:14 am #73752
    jade green
    Participant

    Dear Rachael,

    I think you’re still really young and this relationship still has its potential even if you leave to Korea for a year.

    What is wrong with going to Korea for a year? You’re still young, do what you want in life while you can. If both of you have been in a LDR for 2 years, what’s wrong with just another year? If you think about the time you would spend together if both of you were to get married and live together until old age, 1 year is a very short time.

    As precious as love and relationship is, your own growth and individuality is even more precious at this age. You don’t have to break up with him; LDR works as long as there is a plan to end it.

    Jade

    March 9, 2015 at 1:30 pm #73761
    Judy
    Participant

    Dear Rachael,

    The thing about relationships is that both parties should be supportive and positive aspect to the other person’s life. They should encourage them to reach their full potential without holding them down. Long distance is hard.. I know that for a fact. I’ve been in a LDR for a little over a year, and I know how much of a struggle it is. But you also have to take into account that this is your life. If a guy truly loves you and wants to be with you, he’ll do everything in his power to make it work. He’ll visit you in Korea. He’ll make time for skype and phone calls. He’ll be there for you and be your biggest supporter to allow you to soar through life. If he does not do that, then why would you want to change your entire life for a relationship that is not guaranteed?

    No relationship is finalized, even marriages. Nothing is for certain will last forever.. It’s certainly sad to think about it that way. But if your boyfriend truly wanted the best for you, then he would be supportive of your decision to go and teach in Korea. Heck, he may even think it’s the best thing for you to do and be proud that you’re taking initiative with your life.

    Do what YOU want to do. Don’t make decisions based on a loved one. Yes, things may turn out wonderfully if you do find yourself in Europe with him. But what if they don’t? You don’t want to hold that resentment towards him and blame him that the reason you’re unhappy is because of him. It could go two ways: it working and it not. It’s just best to do what you WANT to do because at the end of the day, your happiness and life is what matters, not other people’s.

    Judy

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