Wow, Kim,that was beautiful. It so describes what I’m experiencing and what I’d like to experience. I’ve been realizing that I live a lot of my life in fear. On the outside it doesn’t look like it. I have a great job, a house, a family, but at the end of the day, when I look at my life, I’ve been one big mass of fear. I’ve been married for over 30 years to a man who’s been very emotionally abusive .. and I took it! I’m just realizing this now. What do you call it when I’m scared to be late coming home b/c I know he’s going to start accusing me of cheating on him. Or he’ll accuse me of “abandoning” him when I go anywhere. He just wants to sit at home, eat and drink and sleep .. and I have to stay with him.

I’m just so tired of it. We’ve withdrawn from each other and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me! I feel like I’m waking up from this awful nightmare. I’ve just lived in this crazy reality for so long .. always scared and anxious that he’ll get mad and make my life a living hell. I read so many spiritual books, do yoga, practice mindfulness … just to keep sane. I need to find out who I am. I lost myself in trying to please him and my family. I’m constantly withdrawing from them and just going through the motions.

This is why I LOVE your advice about building relationships with people “who accept you just the way you are.” I think the first relationship I need to build is with myself. I can do this now! I’m tired of being scared!