The first thoughts to me are, what do you actually want from a relationship? I have to give a bit of tough love. You have explained being so focused on her needs, her emotional growth and her pathology. What about yours? It’s normal to have certain hopes but this relationship seems to have been focused on someone else. When you got to know this person did you know what you actually wanted from a relationship, regardless of where she was at? Was there any possibility of your needs being met at the start or did you know then there was a good chance it couldn’t work.
I honestly feel this is a huge lesson for you. Nothing bad can come of this, you may not have the outcome you hoped for but what if this wakes you up to exactly what your needs are, what you need in a relationship, you work on those and you find the person you are much more suited with. What if all of this teaches you how to be more honest and upfront about what you want and you end up in the happiest relationship of your life.
It may not be where your head is right now but I have found I’ve learned from every relationship I have been in. Her intimacy issues and decisions have no bearing on what is right for you. There may be aspects of this person you liked but what you need to look at is why you were in this situation with this person. What did it give you to ‘help’ her overcome her barriers, why did you chose to be with a person you knew had emotional issues. I don’t know you but in my own life experience everything stems from an earlier experience. I had a lot of expectations put on me at a young age to ‘help’ people who couldn’t help themselves. I’ve got into relationships and situations and even friendships where I was a ‘need’ for the person. I didn’t feel worthy of a genuine, mutual connection. What could this relationship teach you? If you choose to put yourself in this dynamic or not to realise what you need to change/learn it most likely will happen again and please know, this is then your choice. You will be choosing this same pattern and this same and maybe worse pain.
I hope you have found some peace xx