Thanks for the replies!

It seems to me that from both your replies, I’m actually on the right track. I guess I just need some affirmation along the way.

What triggered me to write this post was I had to attend a friend’s wedding over the weekend (in my home country), and I deliberated whether or not to tell my family but in the end I decided to tell them. I was thinking of meeting them over lunch / dinner but my mom right away said she was gonna get a room in the same hotel as mine. She said I don’t necessarily have to see her, she just wanted to relax in a nice hotel over the weekend. I mean, come on…(This is not the first time she did this, btw. I had to go back for a wedding in 3 occasions, and in those occasions, she suddenly got a room in the same hotel as mine).

So I was thinking, alright, never mind, I have to be grateful I have a mother who wants to be close to me, right? So I told her she could stay with me in my room. All the while, I was talking to my sister (the only person I have least problem with). She was supportive of me and I was under the impression that she was going to stay with us. So when I found out she wasn’t, and that my mom planned to get my dad and adult brother to stay in the same hotel room intended only for 2 person, that was the last straw!

I am pushing 30 and I am NOT going to have a sleepover with my parents and adult brother! It’s just too much, I really need my space at the very least when I sleep at night. So I lied to her at the last minute and said one of my friend couldn’t find a room and I offered her to stay with me. I was in a dump after this whole episode, I was angry and sad that she chose to be in denial and just went ahead with whatever she wanted even though I’m sure she got the hints, and I’m angry that I feel forced to lie to her because she’d much rather be in denial. I know she’s doing this because I think she feels guilty that she was distant and checked out when we were growing up and she’s trying to make up for it somehow, but we are all adults now. Those moments she missed out would never come back and that’s the consequences she has to live with. Why can’t she see things for what it is instead of what could have been and start living in reality??

Wheww, feels so good to get it off my chest.