Hi Kate,

It sounds like you have made some positive steps towards getting out of a tough situation, which is not easy since your ex left you in a messy situation with little support. By going into therapy and moving his stuff out, there is a spark within you that says “well this is crap but it’s not going to beat me” and there is not much I can add in that area. The trouble is that when we have a relationship break up, it is very easy to focus on the past (e.g. reviewing what you could have done to change the outcome) and the future (e.g. how can I ever love again?). As there is nothing we can do to change the past and our future is yet to be determined, the only thing we can focus on is the present.

A suggestion I have for this is in addition to all the work you are doing with the overcoming your grief, do something that you enjoy and/or always have an interest in. At the moment, you may find it difficult to muster up the energy to try something new but one of the ways to become more optimistic about the future is to have something to look forward to in your calendar. This will also give your mind a chance to focus on something else and an opportunity to meet new people. By this I don’t mean you should jump into another relationship but as you’ve already recognised, the best way to convince that little voice in your mind that you are not going to be alone is to be with people who appreciates your company.