Well, its been a few days. You all made me realize how my behavior in many past “toxic” relationships where I have felt dumped were truly ME pushing so hard for so long to fight back that these people finally realized they wouldn’t have it their way so they “Dump” me. Ha. its kind of funny and not at the same time. Its like a protective mechanism. Hmm.. Why don’t I use that upon entry to these catastrophic relationships? I know deep down don’t I? Fight denial? Want to accept them… Because I would want to be accepted for my flaws too? Except… Why do I think so low of myself to date garbage like this, why do I treat myself as if I am so unworthy? Where in the hell did all of this come from? Do I really view myself this bad? Am I deserving of this? Am I punishing myself? WOW. Ive got a ton to think about STILL! Obviously, these are questions that have been triggered by your helpful posts. These are things that I really do need to take a good HARD look at and “forgive myself” and “forgive those who trespass against us” (them). I have meditated, taken a 3 hour walk through the woods, and sat in silence, read a bit, and talked to a few close friends and my big sister. I am sitting here now feeling alone. Trying to pass the time.. wondering wth I need to do next. You people have blessed my life. More than you will ever really know. More than you may ever understand. Your kindness- brings me to tears at how much a person can truly love a complete stranger. Thank you so very much. Namaste.