Hello, Lost & Confused. I saw your post earlier today and came back – nobody replied. I decided to talk with you like I would talk to my daughter. So no offence, please, I am on your side.
At 1st I can tell you that it is very hard to break up. First days are just unbearable. Nobody actually can help as you have to face your pain, digest it and accept. Only you can do it. Just live one day at a time. Remove EVERYTHING that reminds about relationship, try to change any habits created when he was around – dont make a mistake of isolating yourself – but replace things and habits with new ones. If he always met at at 6PM – try to leave before or after that time; if you always went to ABCD store together, go to EFGH store instead – simple but works. Stop talking about him with other people – its like some kind of reincarnation, bringing dead relationship back to life and giving yourself another false hope as you are living in that life again and again. Stop blaming him, calling him names and hating – just let him go. Dont blame yourself either – love yourself instead. And it will be hard and it will be time consuming. What will help? Knowledge that you are not unique – same things happened to billions of other people – agree? So you can make it too and you WILL make it and there will be a real good relationship one time – sooner or later it will be. Somebody said – we have to meet lots of wrong men before meeting the right one. Otherwise how you will know he is the ONE if you never loved and lost.
I can see how emotional you are looking for reasons and explanations. Lots of “hair on legs” involved. Love has no reasons but it is love or there is no love. Your case is “there is no love”. You mentioned you had a very hard stressful time and you attracted a wrong person as you simply needed emotional support. As soon as you started changing and feeling better relationship stopped working. Again – you are not unique – lots of people look for support going through the hell: some drink, others use drugs – you fell in love. My advise – never let yourself falling in love when you are stressed/depressed and having bad times. It is very hard to do – believe me! – but just reason yourself: Tell yourself – I have to look for a job now (or whatever) not for love escape.
This is what I do. And it works for me. So take it if you like it, or leave if you dont like. I wish you to stay strong, patient and start loving yourself because nobody would love you if you dont love yourself.