Hi bphkhss,

The on and off nature of the relationship kept you in this weird limbo (“He loves me, loves me not?”) mindset. Then when he broke up with you it was “official”. So you feel rejected. Rather than facing that feeling you feel empty, which is a safer feeling than rejected. Maybe your depression is safer to deal with than the anger, disappointment, and heartache.

You also seem to need to be in a relationship to be happy. But what will happen if you find true love, and the guy dies when you’re an old lady? What I’m saying is that nothing is truly permanent, and at the end of the day you have to be comfortable just being you.

So your situation is compounded. You have to get over the breakup, and be comfortable with you, and (optional!) find someone.

And then to find someone? The best way is to tell the Universe, “I release this desire for a relationship. I’m not looking. If it happens, great (I get to have dynamic duo adventures)! If not, great (I get to have amazing solo adventures)!” And truly mean it. That’s when you meet someone. I’ve seen it time and time again.