Dude,

I am sorry for your suffering.

Please find solace in knowing that there is not a single person who has not ‘fallen down the well’. Even the benevolent Dalai Lama partook in this endeavor he stated in one of his books. Some of us are fortunate and catch ourselves before we fall too deep while some of us aren’t as fortunate and fall so deep that we can no longer see the light when we gaze upwards. We try to climb back up only to end up despairing, our efforts seeming wasted, as the light at the top eludes us. Why continue to struggle when it seems so futile? Why exert so much energy to a cause so fruitless?

My friend, an alcoholic/smoker/drug addict of 40 years will not simply just quit and instantly succeed (for the most part). Their success/recovery may take 10 months or 10 years depending on the many factors. While this does not sound overly comforting, it does not change the fact that a victory remains a victory regarless of the time invested. You yourself have been ‘falling’ for the past 10 years therefore cannot expect a quick recovery. The amount of damage wrought upon ourselves plays a great role in determining the rate of our healing. And, while possible for you to manage your way back up in a short amount of time, please know and wholly accept that it may take (much) longer than you would like it to. Fully accepting your situation and understanding that there is only so much you can control will help garner some peace in your mind.

Lastly, I would like to address your issue on your loss of faith in humanity with my next suggestion. While I do not normally direct TB members towards religion I believe that it should be a course you highly consider due to your extreme case in the sense of the chemical and possibly hormonal damage wrought upon you by your acne treatment (though I am not a doctor hence please forgive me if you find this offensive and believe me to be wrong). To be more specific: Buddhism. The religion focuses on self peace and harmony by deeply examining the phenomena, or events, occuring in and around us and in the world (though this is but one small aspect of it). This is not to say that you should fully convert, however, due to your desperation perhaps you should at least look into it. The Noble Eightfold Paths, once understood and applied, especially Deep Understanding, may bring about the much needed peace your soul needs. Do take heed, however, in knowing that this is a slow road. The concepts of Buddhism, similar to other religions, can take time to fully grasp as the teachings can be difficult to read and understand. However, sticking with the simpler aspects will all the same yield in healthy results if practiced. I truly hope you will consider this.

While your mind is filled with chaos, please do your best to keep it positive. As I’m sure you’ve already heard: negativity begets negativity. How can one not turn evil when completely immersed by it? Likewise for the opposite. Doing positive things will nurture the heart, soul and mind in a wholesome manner. I hope this helps and please forgive me for any grammatical errors I may have made in long reply posts.

Namaste

Al