Hey Luca,

I’m not a fan of diagnosing other people’s personality disorders at a distance, so I will leave that where it is. One thing is clear though: he did not treat you right, and you are better off without him. Good for you, I congratulate you on your strength and skill in getting where you are.

You’re right, it’s not the same as a normal break-up. Abuse can leave deep scars in your mind and that takes time and determination to heal. He presented himself as two people: Good Him and Bad Him, and got you to believe that if you only did everything right, you could be with Good Him and all would be happiness and sunshine. And I’m sure you know that this was a lie, that there was only ever one of him, and he was a manipulative, rage-driven person you were right not to put up with. But maybe there’s part of you that wants to believe there was a Good Him, and if you’d only found the key…

Forgive yourself for thinking this way sometimes. It’s hard to be alone, and of course you miss the company and sweetness that he provided. But remind yourself there was only one of him, and it wasn’t Good. That was a dream, or a nightmare, that you are now waking up from.

There is real love in the world. There are good men in the world. Keep on taking care of yourself and your son, stay open to the possibility of love, and one of them may find you. You say your family doesn’t really know about the abuse. Do you have a friend or someone else who you could talk to, perhaps? If only just so you have a witness, someone to say: yes, that happened. You were wronged. Sometimes it’s really helpful to have someone who knows the story, who you can talk to in the bad moments.

I wish you good moments only. I wish you strength and patience.