There are some things in your last post that make me wonder.

You talk about being the best girlfriend you can be, and working to make your boyfriend happy. What worries me about that is that sometimes when we take it upon ourselves to make other people happy, this comes at the cost of being genuine and expressing how we feel. Then that gets in the way of real intimacy as well as your own happiness and before you know it everything’s fallen apart and nobody knows why.

I know how this works because I used to be this person. And it didn’t work out so good for me, or my partner (now ex).

The way I see relationships now is that it’s not my job to make anyone happy. What I try to work at is listening to what the other person wants or needs, and expressing honestly what I want or need, so that we can work together on creating the conditions for happiness for both of us. And it’s hard, you know? A lot of the time I don’t even know what I want, let alone what I need. But it’s worth trying because that’s how we get close to each other, by hearing about what’s going on on the inside.

You talk about unresolved, repressed anger. It’s worth looking into the reason you repressed that anger instead of expressing it and allowing him to see what was really going on with you. Are you working with some programming that says you can’t be angry out loud? (A lot of us are. Anger is tricky stuff.) Was he the sort of person who would respond poorly to expressions of negative feelings, blow up, or turn it on you somehow? (Again, anger is tricky stuff, and many of us don’t know how to respond to it. But there are bad ways to respond and really really bad ways.)

Scanning your posts again, I’m not sure if this applies to you. I do think you’re better off without this guy, he sounds like a piece of work. “Murder his baby” indeed! And I hope that you believe (in a deepseated way) that it’s OK to be upset because upsetting things happen sometimes, and it’s ok to express that upset and expect some understanding and support from your guy. And if you don’t get that, my advice is to get a different guy.

That’s for the future though. For now, trust in yourself, take care of yourself, believe in love. You’ll be all right again.

May you be well, at peace, and happy.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Will.