Dear Pamela:
I was troubled my whole life- made a mess of things, wasted my youth, my 20s, my 30s, my 40s- lots of pain, and finally at 51 started my first psychotherapy that was of a significant quality and duration. I am still working four years later on my healing. It is a long process and there is progress, but oh so gradual. I was about to lose my employment at 49, about to end up in jail and about to move in with my mother – whose abuse marked me for a very bad beginning of adulthood to begin with. And then I took some steps that lead me to the psychotherapy I mentioned….

My advice to you from my experience is to take it real easy with yourself- take one step at a time, small, very small steps. Minimize your expectations of yourself at this point, viewing each small step- no matter how small- getting out of bed would be a step- view each such step as an achievement (which it is) and pat yourself in the back for it.

Do not compare yourself to others your age: do not compare your insides to others’ outsides. Robin Williams, the latest person who had it all as far as what the world considers success: international fame and fortune- killed himeself: his insides were not as fortunate as his outside. Can you imagine killing yourself if you were in HIS positio? So inside work is more important than outside work. Taking one small step at a time while being compassionate to yourself, accepting compassionately all the mistakes you made and where you are at and moving on slowly… one step at a time.

Is any of this any help to you? Please let me know.
anita