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struggling and afraid

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  • #76878
    pamela
    Participant

    i have battled a debilitating depression for awhile now. lost several job. last year my house car everything gone. a friend took me and my teenage daughter in we’ve been here nearly a year. everything last year just caused me to completely break down. seems everything i do is a train wreck i have no credit none whatsoever don’t know if i’ll ever even be able to buy a car again. I’ve just really started seriously looking for work but live 20 miles outside of city. i really need a car but need job to get a car..need a place to place to live and the circle/cycle goes on. i try so hard to stay positive and meditate. reading on this site as helped. right now I’m beyond scared. I’m 50 fearful no one will hire me, fearful that i won’t be able to get my life back. i have no income can’t buy my daughter things so needs. i know people are in much worse shape than i…but i can’t see past my self. and this is one day I’m in that dark place..not always but for some reason today i am. i want to know theres hope. i want to believe more than anything..but where to begin when i start hearing in my head i can’t do anything. and truth is i know I’m reaping the consequence of what I’ve done..not seeking help soon enough. i just to repair and make this part of my life better. better than ever. any thoughts or advice would be so appreciated. thanks

    #76881
    moh ariyo
    Participant

    First be thankful you are still alive despite the tough times u going through, because i believe the fact that u re still alive is a sign that God is not tru with you. Hold on to that nd start looking at the positive side of life.Open a new chapter for ur self nd try to make a bold step day by day leading u close to where u want to be and what you aim to achieve, search within u for the strenght especially with d people u love your daughter should b a source of inspiration to u, u want to b there for her to meet her needs and want, so for her u pick up ur courage to stand up on ur feet once again. Go out, apply for jobs, dont give up, pray hard and soon God will smile on u wen u least xpect.

    #76882
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Pamela:
    I was troubled my whole life- made a mess of things, wasted my youth, my 20s, my 30s, my 40s- lots of pain, and finally at 51 started my first psychotherapy that was of a significant quality and duration. I am still working four years later on my healing. It is a long process and there is progress, but oh so gradual. I was about to lose my employment at 49, about to end up in jail and about to move in with my mother – whose abuse marked me for a very bad beginning of adulthood to begin with. And then I took some steps that lead me to the psychotherapy I mentioned….

    My advice to you from my experience is to take it real easy with yourself- take one step at a time, small, very small steps. Minimize your expectations of yourself at this point, viewing each small step- no matter how small- getting out of bed would be a step- view each such step as an achievement (which it is) and pat yourself in the back for it.

    Do not compare yourself to others your age: do not compare your insides to others’ outsides. Robin Williams, the latest person who had it all as far as what the world considers success: international fame and fortune- killed himeself: his insides were not as fortunate as his outside. Can you imagine killing yourself if you were in HIS positio? So inside work is more important than outside work. Taking one small step at a time while being compassionate to yourself, accepting compassionately all the mistakes you made and where you are at and moving on slowly… one step at a time.

    Is any of this any help to you? Please let me know.
    anita

    #76921
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Pamela:
    I received your kind, appreciative response but it doesn’t show here (I don’t have the know-how of this site…) I wanted to tell you I appreciate your reply and I hope you post again, anytime. As the world seems or is hostile, the circumstances unfriendly, try, Pamela, to make your mind a friendly place for yourself. Try to make your psyche user friendly.
    Take care:
    anita

    #76930

    Hi Pamela,

    My heart goes out to you. It’s brave to be able to acknowledge your depression and to look at your life and your worries. Some people numb their depression, but it’s strong to acknowledge it and face it. That’s a step in itself. I was reading some of the posts and I agree with them in that take small steps Everything’s a gradual process. What helps me when I’m facing tough times is to think of something that I accomplished in my past that was tough. If I could accomplish that I can accomplish this. You will get through this Pamela because you have gotten through past tough times that have led you up to this point.

    #76964
    pamela
    Participant

    thank all of you for your support. i know it will take time things don’t happen over nite want to let go of the same of my past one the fear some days are better than others I’m trying hard to believe please keep in your your thoughts i want so much to get better and be able to do this basics buy a car find a home of my own. i come to this site and get great inspiration and it means a lot to be a part of it and the people who come and offer a piece of themselves. much love and gratitude.

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