Dear Aasa:
I read your post with interest (what is a “cv”?)

You wrote that you suffered bouts of depression since you were in your late teens. Can you share what was your depression about then? Are you aware of being depressed or excessively sad or anxious earlier in your life, as a child? To give you my advice I would need this kind of additional information.

Regarding anti depressants- I finally got off mine, a year and a half ago after 17 years or so of being on such and anti anxiety (klonipin)- it was hell getting off them. At first I thought and believed the Zoloft (SSRI) helped but later and retroactively I realize that it did not cause any improvement in my functioning. My self destructive behavior continued and I finally became so destructive even though I was taking so much Zoloft (400 and then 300 mg per day!) It is only through CBT/ Mindfulness/ Dialectical therapy that my situation improved, through conscious awareness, insight, integration (ongoing) of past trauma, through learning skills and the practice of using them that my situation improved.

I will be glad to read more from you (question above) and would like to read more about your input about your experience with medication.

Take care:
anita

I do have a little advice. I’ve been on Celexa for many years – getting off of it is worse than the reason I started.

However….
I suggest you do go on something (I recommend Celexa for several reasons), and set a goal to only be on it for 6 months to a year. During that time, getting some CBT is the best.

I think once you get chemically balanced, you’ll see how your thinking changes from the way it is now. It’s amazing to be unaware of the chemical ditch you’ve been in, and to find out that there’s a much better level of life when your brain stops working against you. A brain that gives you constant negativity is not chemically balanced. I do think anti-depressants are a gift to our century. But with a goal in mind and some consistent therapy, you can train your brain to behave differently while on the drugs. You will really notice how the negativity lightens up, which will make you more aware of what it’s like for your husband to live with you. It’s a huge challenge to be a partner to someone who is chronically depressed – you may try to fake it, but everyone feels a depressed person’s energy.

Before you start medication, learn all about what it takes to withdraw from it so you are prepared for that process when the time comes. I wish you the very best and hope my suggestions are helpful. I’ve been working with these things for a very long time.
Blessings.
Abhai