Hi Anita,
Sorry I’ve never written to a forum and can be very vague/all over the place.
.I’ve had depression and anxiety for about 15yrs so it’s nothing new. It just doesn’t help me with issues like this.

Yes he did know that it was to save money but it was also a test to see if we could live together. We are best friends but communication has always been an issue. He likes to confront issues where I like to step back and get my head straight before I know what I’m thinking/feeling. I also tend to close off when I’m not in a good way which infuriates him. I was getting better at letting him know when I wasn’t in a good head space but after surgery I let that slip.

We were on and off about 10 times – he broke it off the first time because he couldn’t handle me coming off antidepressants but every time after that was always me breaking it off. The stress always got too much so I ran.

There is a lot more to the story and more issues I had but the part I’m having trouble with is the guilt for not even thinking about him when it came to my trip.yes granted when I first had the plans things were all booked but once I had surgery and canceled everything I could have started over and included him. But I never thought to so that.if I love him so much how could I be so selfish?