Hi Jen,

I’m happy to hear that I’m not the only one that guilt seems excessive too.
We had had the odd comment that he would move over afterwards and I suppose I just assumed that we were both happy with that. We had future plans to move back to our hometown and settle down etc so this was just a step towards that.
He is understanding and one of the only people I know that can read me and I feel comfortable with. I think that’s why I find it so hard to let go. He said he did try to talk to me but I’m not the easiest person to talk to when I’m down. I tend to put my head in the sand a bit 🙁 I do feel like he criticizes my actions and talks down to me sometimes. He says he wants me to open up but doesn’t give the most warming reaction when I do.

The first break up was 8yrs ago and I was getting pretty low. I wasn’t doing anything to help myself which is what he found frustrating and he couldn’t cope. I eventually took his advice and got better but I am very stubborn when it comes to being told what is wrong with me and what I should do. I do feel like I haven’t been able to drop the wall and relax fully around him as (maybe) I think if I show him how down I get he’ll leave again. I know that’s not a good thing and he says he wants me to let him help me but I find it very hard to be that vulnerable.

I tend to hide away to deal with my issues as to not burden or bother anyone – God even writing this down sounds terrible and all over the place! Please don’t judge me (this is very hard for me right now but objective responses are helping)