Hi misunderstood,

You are not being selfish. Don’t think of it as stopping contact, think of it as taking a break. You may change your mind.

With my mom (for one instance) I would use The Broken Record Technique. One holiday she went on and on about everyone’s weight. We had an office “NO” button which would say “NO!” LOL. Every time she brought up weight I’d push the button. “NO!” I got the dirty looks, but she started up again. “NO!” Finally she stopped talking about it and we talked about politics and religion instead!

The other thing I do is Let Them Talk Themselves Out. They rant and rave. I sit quietly and listen (and take it) for twenty minutes. They’re expecting me to get upset and argue. I don’t. Finally they stop and ask if I have anything to say. I reply, “I was going to say something but I lost my train of thought. I need to remember what I was just thinking about it was really important.” Then I go make tea and ask them if they want any. Change the script.

Lastly I would keep asking questions. Even leading questions. No hint of anger in my voice. Then they’d answer. If they asked me what I thought I’d say, “Well, I think this but what do you think about that?” Never arguing.

Basically I never tell the other person they’re wrong. I never argue. I’m all, “Oh, their face is turning red with rage, isn’t that interesting.” It’s an attitude.

Hope this helps even a little,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.