Glet,

Buddha gave a secret of nature to us, saying “being is sustained by fuel”. To understand this secret, we only need to stand bravely and look at our automatic reactions. Consider how you come from a disturbing and unfortunate past. Many reasons were there for you to cry, many people and situations that smacked into your heart, leaving much pain in their wake.

So now, when your dad goes to kiss you, it echoes from those past moments. Those echoes are from the fuel, the old goop and gunk and bruises. But the reaction is only a reflex, and that reflex fades with time and continued self loving steps. Said differently, being abused in the past forced a fuel of anxiety into you, and you will only have startle reactions until the fuel is exhausted. There is no need to fear that you will always flinch when dad tries to give love. No need to fear that something is forever broken or missing or wrong with you. Just a normal woman, learning to love herself more and more each day. And with each passing day, the fuel is consumed and erodes the reflexes.

And consider, my dear friend, that those reflexes are actually quite marvelous. You didn’t just bow down, roll over, and give up. Inside you, the force of love that was always protecting you became that fuel, held deep inside. Like, when dad went to kiss you, you responded with protection, removal, like slapping his lips away from you. Sure, in that moment it wasn’t necessary, but it sure shows a strength of a passionate woman, ready to defend her boarders. Wonderful!

Finally, be extra patient with yourself as you let go of the past. Instead of being afraid that another shoe will drop, consider: even though it hurt, you survived many shoes dropping already. And here you are, learning to self love anyway. Here you are, not having given up on humankind, and looking for connection and grace. You, dear sister, inspire my belief in the enduring nature of the heart.

With warmth,
Matt