Dear Ct:
I need to think about exchanging emails. My first thought is that I lived with a very disturbed mother and tried so hard for so long to “fix” her, so that she in turn will love me and be safe for me. I continued to try to FIX people. I need to watch this ineffective tendency I have. I also know how burdensome it is to try to be there for someone else who suffers so much and for so long- it is draining and of course, I don’t want to be drained. i have enough of my own distresses, my own ongoing healing process, I don’t have enough of whatever it takes to be supportive on an ongoing basis to a person who suffers so much and for so long as you. I think I just made the choice therefore to not exchange emails. Hmmm… If you feel uncomfortable about communicating here (startinga new thread?)- then we can drop it, of course.

You wrote: “This disease has destroyed me and literally everything I held dear.” THE DISEASE you wrote. What is The Disease? Something inflicted upon you by….something that just went wrong in your brain? Is it an unsolved conflict from childhood that you are still resisting, and that won’t be ignored? That needs to be addressed? Is the problem simpler than what it seems to you, that is, it is not A Disease but the hurt little girl in you wanting to be acknowledged by you, wants to be your focus while you focus on The Disease?
anita