Hi all. So, my sister and I have been pitted against each other since we were little by our parents, who really didn’t know any better. We’re both into the arts, sports, and humanitarians efforts. She’s almost 30 and I’m 25, but I still get annoyed at her because I think she is a bit overbearing and insecure.

Our parents differentiated us as opposites growing up, which I know was supposed to keep up individuals but instead it almost made us resentful of what the other had, and insecure about our stereotypes. I was supposedly the responsible one, who was a good singer but apparently shy and uptight with bad skin. I don’t think I’m really like that. I think I’m a bit more offbeat and goofy, and less keen on needing attention so I just don’t have to be as outgoing. My sister was known as this outgoing, insecure,messy type. My mom would always tell her she needed to lose weight, and she would tell her her singing voice wasn’t as good as mine. So naturally, my sister was jealous of me (I understand, it was unfair), and I was annoyed that I had to be see as this perfectionist type.

Now, all I really want to do is be an individual and start my creative career, without having the overbearing opinions of my parents and sister affecting my actions. I feel trapped, because I had to move back home in order to save money and my sister lives close by. I feel like its just round two of competition, adult edition. I know everyone has some aspect of this in their family, and I love them and they mean well. But since I’m still considered (a 25-year old) “baby” of the family, no one takes me that seriously when I tell them they’re just keeping these unfair stereotypes up and they should change. They also hold superficiality pretty highly. My sister’s main goal for a while is to be beautiful and admired. She wants to lose weight, which I only encourage for her health but because of the poor self-esteem, she’s turned it into wanting to be adored for her looks. My mom only encourages this, and my dad is a passive onlooker who agrees with everyone. I’ve tried to point out how superficial they’re being and how much we should value each other for what’s inside, but they think I’m just “uptight” and boring. I’ve done all I could, but I’m responsible for teaching people who are older than me how to love anymore. I just can’t grow or build up a good self-esteem with them overbearing their superficiality over me. Also, since I’m known to be “responsible,” I feel like they don’t take my creative career seriously, like I’m not as free or I’m just too shy to be a performer or artist. They just say things like you have to be more outgoing or change your personality to whatever they think performers should act like. I mean, I get to be the type of creative I want, especially since its should be such a expressive career. I just feel like I can’t grow, and I’m finding it hard to find the motivation to take up more jobs to find the money to move out.

I usually try to isolate myself in my room and do my own thing, but they again just decide I am quiet and don’t even try to understand me. I feel like I have a lot of inner depth that they don’t want to understand. I’ve cried about it and they just say its great that you’re sensitive. I’m tired of this.

Also, I think sometimes our friends can be a reflection of the love we learned when growing up. I have a few good friends who are really encouraging, and a few who are also a bit insecure. I feel like I want to talk to my encouraging friends about my problems, but I feel guilty because I can tell it drains them. Whenever I talk to my more insecure friends about my career choices, they react like my family and think I need a different personality or they think I have to be this diva-esque persona to do what I want.

I just feel like I need a new support system, and a new environment. I’ve actually seen a therapist about my relationships before, but she sort of tells me what I just said, that I need a new environment that encourages better self-esteem. I’m just a bit depressed and have this on and off anger all societal norms sometimes. I know I am a bit insecure myself, and have trouble expressing myself comfortably in front of people because I’m just afraid of being put in an unfairly labeled box again. So its like, even if I do find more supportive people, I’m always afraid they’re just gonna get drained or annoyed with me and think low of me. So, I’ve become socially anxious and am now afraid to go back out there.

I guess there isn’t a clear question here, but just…can anyone relate and/or give me some advice? Thanks, and hope you guys are having a great week!