Hi Jack,

I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. Having self-esteem/self-confidence is so vital to our well being as you have already noticed. Although I am not an expert in Buddhism, I have read many articles on TB and can give you what I know. You said you have a desire to “please and not offend lest I lose my job.” You believe this pleasing behavior is causing you to be vulnerable to harassment? You say you look extremely “insecure,” are you sure this is not just a thought coming from within you rather than outside of you? Sometimes when we lack self-esteem or self-confidence, we can perceive others as being critical of us and have a hard time coping with that. Either this is happening or you are in a completely toxic work environment. Do you ever feel this way when you are in other situations? Around other people who are not your co-workers?

Yes, I agree that we must have compassion for others, but we must not let them bring us down. When we have more compassion for ourself, we can be more accepting of others. Although it’s important to be respectful and understanding of others, you can nicely and assertively stand up for yourself. Yes, I agree that we should be beyond insulting as Buddhists, but not everyone shares the same values that we do. In that sense, we should be compassionate, but if something becomes too bad to the point where it negatively affects us, then we should speak up about it. There’s a great article on self-esteem and criticism, but of course we shouldn’t always have to bite the bullet.

Why You May Feel Crushed by Criticism (And What to Do About It)