Dear sadpeach:

i think you are on the right path in assessing the reality of a situation: LOOKING FOR EVIDENCE.

You are wondering if your suspicions are your inaccurate projections or your accurate projections. Some of your thoughts (projections) are probably accuarate on this issue and some are not. The only way to find out is to talk to him- maybe her, but definitely him. Simply look for evidence in his answers. Ask specific questions, watch and listen to his answers. Do not ask like a private invistigator or a prosecutor in a trial court, angry, threatening, intimidating… and do not ask in an apologetic way (as in: “sorry I am so crazy and a lunatic, but…)

Honor yourself, honor your suspicions- some of them are true I assure you (from my life experience comes this sure feeling of mine) and some are not. So you are not a lunatic. Better not stew not knowing- ASK. But ask in a way that will be effective, in a way that will make it possible for you to “hear” the answer, to spot inconsistencies. It requires that when you ask you are calm enough to ask the correct questions (!) and listen to the answers (in what he says and what he doesn’t say and how he says it).

If you would like you can plan here how you will present the issue to him, again, but this time in a sane way that honors you and him and her. In a way that will give you the answers that you deserve to know.

anita