Dear Ben:

14 years of dreaming and at 28 you feel the dream had failed you, didn’t deliver, or should I say reality failed you. That thing called reality, what a bummer it is for the dreamer when faced with the unaccomodating reality. Again, the final scene from The Never Ending Story of 1984 comes to mind. People’s dreams all died at that scene at the end, all of the magical land of Fantasia disappeared, only one grain of sand remained. That is all that remained of the magnificent dreams, dreams vanished by the Nothing, that power that feeds on people’s despair when their dreams die.

One grain of sand. The hero of the story, is devestated that all his efforts to save the land of Fantasia failed.But the princess tells him that he can dream anew and before he knew it, that grain of sand became again Fantasia. I don’t like this ending. To me that one grain of sand is the LIFE still in me. I wouldn’t want to dream yet another dream, another fantasy. I want to live REALITY. I find reality way more tolerable than fantasy. When I let go of the dream I had (which I didn’t mention here)- I find comfort in reality.

Lots and lots and lots, probably most people have wasted most of their lives, time, youth, resources in failed endeavors, often endeavors (unlike yours) that didn’t even have a chance to succeed. This is more the human condition than it is an exception. There is much pain in realizing this, wanting to turn the clock backward and do things differently, mourning the lost time, the lost youth, wanting the time back.

This is life. Lots of what we are told (follow your dream; don’t give up no matter what, and so much more) is BS. I have nothing more.

anita