Dear Nidzo:

I wish this was NOT the situation for you, for him, for his wife, but it is. Each person has some personal responsibility in creating this situation, and there is the social responsibility of the practice of arranged marriages. Each person will have to suffer the consequences of the personal choices made as well as the consequences of the social practice of arranged marriages.

I was hoping that if his wife is not pregnant and if he is so miserable, that he will exit this situation as soon as possible, an escape not as good as not getting into the situation to begin with, but better than a life of misery. But in your response you are saying that he is invested in staying in the marriage until a later time, a time not defined, such as a week, a month from now. Becoming financially strong can take- forever: one may never feel financially strong enough. And you didn’t mention any plan he has to not get his wife pregnant. The future of innocent children is always on my mind.

Under these circumstances, him being invested in the marriage- if not by being in love, then by choosing to maintain the marriage for whatever reason- I would say, severe ties. Put your time and energy elsewhere and when YOU marry, make as good a choice as you can make.

If you do choose to do this, then you will need an “emotional plan”- how to deal with your emotions of attachment to him, and your own hope that someday things may “fall in place.”

Your best bet is to place things where they belong and not to passively wait for things to… fall in place. Take charge.

anita