Dear Laure:

I would write him a letter and give it to him to read in his own time. Write in there what you expressed in this post, your feelings, your thoughts, your questions about his fears, motivations, your willingness and ability- if true- to talk to him about whatever it is. You can share some of your fears and let him know that you need help with those and would like to have a relationship where you can help each other with your individual fears, that you are willing to take it slow, friends only if needed, keep an open mind, take it in small increments-

All this if it is true to you, if you are willing and capable of such- not as his psychotherapist-like, but as a fellow human with fears and insecurities and needs as well. You can offer him a partnership of some sort with the goal of helping each other.

Once you give him the letter, and you have a copy of it, you will know that you did your best in offering something good between you and him, and you give him the time to consider it when he is alone and relatively safe. He will have time to think of it without the pressure of answering right there and then.

anita