It is difficult to be friends after a breakup even in the best of circumstances. However, I think the issue here is that because you care about her you are still trying to “help”. Your ex may not be able to accept help from you. There are five major stages of change and it sounds like she is either in the contemplation stage or the preparation stage, both of which happen before change actually occurs. At that point she is not ready for anyone’s help least of all yours. If you do extend your hand in friendship, do just that, just be her friend and let her find her own way. That may mean a lot of nodding and smiling and not helping on your part, but at this point that may be all she can accept. However, make sure that you are able to be her friend without it adversely affecting you as well. You can always choose to be “friendly” instead, meaning that you exchange pleasantries in the hall at work but you don’t really hang out or chat. Best of luck!

~Jodi