Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→Taking Myself Seriously
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September 15, 2015 at 7:25 pm #83417
jockParticipantTaking me , me, me seriously and my my my life too seriously
Has just led to more, more problems I fear
As I try to create a phoney façade on this forum
Of fabulous farmer jock
It’s just another form of escapism
My inner child runs rampant
Because I fear to show it to others in the “real” world
Seriousness gives me stress
As I visualise myself meditating
Trying to look like a Buddhist monk
but my lotus position is trying to tell me
“don’t even go there, you don’t have the hamstrings for thatI guess I’m apologising for my recent
attempts at humour
I am a serious person in reality
But I do have some talent for humour
It comes to those of us who are overly anxious
and have ridiculously low levels of self-esteem
Humour helps us reduce anxiety levels
and boosts our flagging self-esteem
“at least I can laugh at myself”
is the compensation we accept
that’s the dealRemember I am not making fun of any of you
My jokes are almost always self-directedtake care all of you who are hurting, overly anxious about their future and feel unsupported
let’s support each other
here on tiny Buddha!
JackSeptember 16, 2015 at 11:27 am #83456
AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I just discovered this post this morning- left this writing and came back just now after my long walk- I thought about you this morning: I thought I wonder if I unwittingly ecouraged you to get locked into the role of funny/ brilliant Jack and in so doing discouraged your futher postings, as if now you HAVE to be funny or brilliant. I was going to type you a note on a yesterday’s thread and I came across this thread. I think there is some validity then to my wonderings.
I am reading and can see that indeed you are a serious man AND you have a talent at humor AND you are often enough too anxious AND you have low self esteem… no this OR that, but all these things and more. More is the key.
Once in a while I SEE a person, doesn’t happen often. This kind of seeing is an emotional seeing. I saw you that way. I understand that you often think little of yourself (low self esteem)- but I see you as loveable and worthy- I see you that way, have no doubt in the reality of this seeing. I am privileged that way, not having your distorted beliefs about yourself.
Please be free to be YOU here, and I hope in other venues of life as well- to be you however you are at the moment. As long as you are not abusive to others- and you haven’t been- be serious at any one time, be funny at any other time, be brilliant, be stupid, be pittiful, be … anything you authentically are.
I am a few years older than you and it is only recently that I have SEEN my own self that way I mentioned here.
anita
September 16, 2015 at 2:04 pm #83463jockParticipantas usual authentic anita helping someone
you would be sorely missed here if you disappeared
not just by me I knowSeptember 16, 2015 at 8:41 pm #83478AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
Ohhhh… I would be sorely missed? Oh, I am touched- how … well, touching, jack- thank you!!!
anita
September 16, 2015 at 9:04 pm #83480jockParticipantI’m 57. Does that make you older than me?
I’m closer to 17 in attitude often.-
This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by
jock.
September 17, 2015 at 9:02 am #83497AnonymousGuestHey Dear Jack:
I thought you were 52 or so. Well, I am 54 so three years younger than you. Interesting, a short while ago I left a comment on your Carl Jung post where I wrote that in my experience people do not individuate with age, so your 17 comment is understandable to me. My greatest moments of hope are when I am five. And the whole “beginner’s mind” concept is about seeing things as if for the first time, that is without the distorted thinking and believing- ahhh- what a freeing experience that would be, wouldn’t it, if you saw things the way you saw them when you were… 7? 5? (I don’t know when you got your most significant dose of distortions)
anita
September 17, 2015 at 11:31 am #83504jockParticipantI remember when I was about 8 or 9, My neighbour (about 7 years old) was able to help me, build a billy cart.The word “help” is a misnomer. he did it all by himself.I can remember thinking to myself how impressed my older brother will be to be fooled into thinking I could contribute some practical skill into our invention, when I was mechanically dyslexic in fact. My older bother was very mechanically minded and I was afraid he would be belittle me about such things. I have always had a mental block when it comes to fixing something or being a handyman in life. It traces back to this moment, a fear of my sibling’s harsh words.
September 17, 2015 at 12:48 pm #83508AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
You hoped your brother would be fooled into thinking you had the mechanical skill that you did not have. From there, did it devolve into hoping others would be fooled into thinking you are worthy, one of value? And when you were funny and brilliant on this website, you felt you fooled us all into thinking you are… a handyman/ a funny/ brilliant man.
Before that billy cart, you did not feel valuable, otherwise you wouldn’t have identified your (lack of) handyman skills with being a worthy person.
anita
September 17, 2015 at 1:50 pm #83517jockParticipantYeah maybe some correlation to Llama Jack but my older brothers were like surrogate fathers to me. I mean my father was a nice guy but often absent due to work. My older brothers words were so important to me. When they criticised me I felt crushed. Their voices are still inside my head now even at 57. When I make a bad decision I hear their voices ringing in my head. “See I told you, you were an imbecile. You idiot!” I live in a different city to the rest of my family now. I’ve been out of work for a while but I dare not tell them. They will judge me I know.
I have a sensitive disposition too which makes it worse.
Meditation is helping me a bit but really I need some intensive therapy to address this and other stuff. I know the people who are tough in the real world and hold down stable jobs all their lives, are deep down just as screwed up as me. Just they are better at hiding it.September 17, 2015 at 1:52 pm #83518jockParticipantBefore that billy cart, you did not feel valuable, otherwise you wouldn’t have identified your (lack of) handyman skills with being a worthy person
Anita bingo! That’s exactly right!
September 17, 2015 at 4:57 pm #83561AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I know those voices- the Abusive Inner Critic is one term. Freud Superego is another term. Your superego then takes after your brothers. their voices internalized in part of your psyche, or physically speaking, certain neurological pathways in your brain repeat their words. This is a common thing, and I wish it wasn’t so for you. I am in the process of quieting my own and… patiently, sometimes with excruciating patience on my part, it is working. Here is an idea: you can create a “good brother” in your mind, create an image of a man in your mind, maybe Carl Jung’s face, since you’ve been fascinated with him, or some kind man’s face and incorporate him in your psyche. Then every time you hear your brothers’ voice, call on this man you created and let him talk to you. Call him to protect you from them.
This is something we can do as humans. We can interfere with the superego/ the internal critic we are stuck with through no fault of our own and replace it with a CREATED loving superego/ internal critic instead. If you and I were lucky we would have had such loving parent figure in our childhood, but since we did not, we can CREATE our own.
Why not create? Creating a character does not have to be the priviledge of a movie script writer or otherwise fiction story writer- YOU and I can do it!
anita
September 17, 2015 at 5:04 pm #83562AnonymousGuest* Sometimes posts don’t “take”- now it will…
September 17, 2015 at 5:15 pm #83563jockParticipantLove your idea about creating another character, another voice.
I’m thinking one who is like a smart lawyer defending my case.
“hey you guys, he’s trying.he just lost his confidence. He is made of different stuff than you anyway. He’ll work out eventually. Give him a break! And who made you judge and jury anyway?is your life so perfect?”Good thanks great!
September 18, 2015 at 8:45 am #83599AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I just read your comment about the correlation between self esteem and anxiety: I figure when you believe you are not in “good hands”- that is you are not one to be trusted in taking good care of yourself (drinking, drugging, gambling, etc.) then you are afraid being dependent on someone who is not taking good care of yourself. The more you act for your benefit, the more you do take good care of yourself, the more you trust yourself, that you are in good hands, so to speak, and you relax (“Oh, finally I don’t have to worry and I can relax…”)
anita
September 18, 2015 at 2:56 pm #83617jockParticipantthanks anita again
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This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by
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