Thanks all – this is helpful – I know so much of it is how I see myself and she always did say “I’m not what you really want.” And, of course you can interpret that as you’re not what I want. I was too much of a couch potato for her. I’m trying to live life more now and be more active. My ex got breast cancer 8 months ago and has completed all the treatment. Turns out I found out two days ago that she had flown to Florida to be with a man who had been there for her during her cancer. I know that I should feel great for her she had someone with her and it may turn into more than just a friendship. I asked her about it and was hurt – she doesn’t want me to ask her anything more about her personal life which I guess is fine. It hurts me so deeply though – I wanted to be next to her during that time. But she’s found some studly guy and of course I’m already thinking I’m less than and a wimp. This guy used to be a fighter pilot. My self talk says I am a total loser. I have put my ex on such a pedestal that I feel my happiness depends on her and although I know this to not intellectually be true I still feel it. The pain is immense and I do mean immense – debilitatingly so. It’s like someone swooped in and stole what I thought was mine. He got to be the hero and of course looks the part too. I feel so bad about myself it’s awful. I really am trying to get a support group around me and I’ve started to exercise and I do try to eat healthy. The thoughts of them together are just awful. I’ve got to find some tools to get it out of my head. I feel like I failed her and now she’s mad because I got too jealous and wimpy. This pain is awful. Why am I always the one on the side that hurts so much? Am I too sensitive? Are there women out there who want that kind of guy? I guess, like someone said, I need to like me first. In the meantime I watch and ache as my ex moves on with her life. I went to the ER last night just because I was in so much pain.