Hi All,

Going through a difficult situation and would like some perspective and support from you wonderful folks. 🙂 Will try to keep it brief, but there are a lot of contributing details – my gratitude in advance for taking the time to read and hopefully respond.

I’ve been seeing a guy for about 7 months. While we have kept it pretty unofficial, it is probably one of the most committed and comfortable relationships I’ve been in for some time (even including “official” ones). He is very attentive, and we are open and honest with each other. We have a lot of differences that make me concerned about our future together, but we try to just enjoy our time together and not worry so much about that and where we are heading.

I also have a dog who I adopted 4 years ago. He was already 2.5 years old when I got him and I knew he had a history of biting (I was told by the rescue of one provoked and isolated incident), but I naively thought my love and some security would make him all better. Unfortunately I was lazy with training and despite my providing him a good home (minus the consistent discipline) he has had a few other biting incidents (always me, never anyone else). This has resulted in me being somewhat scared of him in certain situations and not really trusting him, which has resulted in less and less authority and more and more isolation to try to “manage” the problem.

Boyfriend had met dog several times, always at my house, and is aware of his issues. He’s a supporter of whoopings and the whole “you have to show him you’re the boss” stuff. Other than some harsh taps on the nose, I don’t really think physical punishment is productive but Nugget’s increasing behavior issues made me wonder if maybe boyfriend was right. Because I was unsure how I felt about boyfriend disciplining my dog, I never brought Nugget over to boyfriend’s house. Until this past weekend….

Nugget and I spent the night with boyfriend and his dog on Saturday. Other than some tense moments, everything went better than we both expected and we were feeling hopeful that we could blend our little families eventually. And then it all blew up. I thought Nugget was doing so well he could go out to meet boyfriend’s chicken (she was in her coop). Doing so well I didn’t even think I would need to put his leash on. Dumb. Being a dog (and a herder/terrier mix at that) of course he was WAY interested in the chicken and just kept running around the coop, freaking her the heck out. I tried to call him away, but he kept at it and chicken was getting more and more agitated. Boyfriend ran outside, I told him I was going to go in to get the leash because I KNEW this was the kind of situation that would prompt a bite and I did not want to have an escalating bite-hit-bite-hit situation. Boyfriend didn’t listen, went over to try to nudge Nugget out of the way, and when that didn’t get Nugget’s attention, boyfriend smacked him on the side. Nugget immediately bit and a 30 second scramble of biting and hitting and trying to control the dog ensued. Afterwards, Nugget retreated and left chicken alone and went and huddled by my car where he stayed for an hour.

The bite(s) were not bad enough to need any medical attention, but skin was broken and there’s definitely a good amount of bruising and pain. I feel HORRIBLE because I KNOW it was my carelessness that caused all of it. As can be expected, boyfriend is not sure he ever wants anything to do with my dog and he’s really pushing for me to rehome him (I know it’s unlikely he would ever be adopted and I will not put him in a situation to sit in a shelter or be abused). As soon as I got home, I made an appointment with a very successful local behaviorist for this Friday. I’d been “meaning to” make an appointment for some time, but kept putting it off so this incident has definitely forced me to see something needs to change. I’m feeling hopeful about the training. I love my dog and want to be able to give him a full, safe life for as long as he has here. Unfortunately I am not feeling support from my boyfriend. I can understand, to a degree. Boyfriend says things like “nothing will ever change his biting”, “it’s ingrained, there’s nothing you can do”…that kind of stuff. I want boyfriend to be there for the session on Friday, but honestly am worried he will try to get into it with the behaviorist. Also having read a lot of articles in the last couple days, I am even more firm in my conviction that physical reprimands are NOT the way to go with Nugget and could potentially make him worse. I have no idea what happened to him in the first 2.5 years of his life, but am certain there were some bad things. He is a fear based biter.

That’s the story. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, I guess just some support from this great community. I know I need to focus on rehabbing my dog, and if the relationship can survive then that’s awesome. I’m just very bummed and extremely ashamed of it all but every time it comes up I am getting so much negativity from my boyfriend it kind of shatters my hope and determination to make it better. Am I wrong to want to keep my dog? He has so many great qualities. So does my boyfriend. 🙁

Looking forward to your insights. Thank you so much for taking the time to read.