Dear Kelly:

I have no doubt that as a child you were done a great disservice and injustice by your mother and fathers, at the least. I have no doubt that you were bullied by your mother, at the least.

You wrote you were bullied by your mother and by your sister “but they don’t see it like that”- which means the bullying, the invalidation keeps going on, present tense. Now. Bullies often do not “see it like that.” That is the nature of persistent bullies, unrepentant.

I hear you loud and clear that neither your mother, nor your father; not your grandmother… nobody in your family ever took your side. It is very painful and enraging because they should have…

Since they did not take your side (that would mean admitting they were/ are wrong), part of you still believes that it was YOU who were wrong. Part of you doubts yourself. You don’t fully realize that you were, indeed, undoubtedly good and innocent when you were a child, betrayed.

No matter how much you complain, you don’t believe yourself, do you?

And then it has become a so-far life sentence, to be bullied, alone.

I am supposing you are in regular contact with your mother, your father, sister, grandmother…?

Still taking in their invalidation, their disapproval, still waiting for them to change and validate and approve of you, admitting their were wrong?

I am so sorry. I understand your hurt and anger. Unfortunately, you have a healing journey to take on. Limiting or better, eliminating contact with ANYONE who bullies and invalidates you on a regular basis is necessary. That mean, your mother, your father, whoever invalidates you regularly, again and again over years.

It is about YOU taking YOUR OWN side, standing up for yourself. You can’t stand up for yourself at the same time that you are standing up for your mother, sister, etc.

Whose side are you? Who are you standing up for, all the way?

It must be scary to give up the hope of future approval from the people who already rejected you. But that hope is delusional. Somehow, you must find the strength to no longer stand on the side of those who betrayed you, and stand up for yourself.

What do you think?
anita