dear L:

When I wrote above about people in pain inflicting pain on others; their pain not being a license to hurt another- I wasn’t thinking of your husband- forgot about him when I wrote what I did, but it is very relevant to him. Bad, bad habit on his part: feeling his pain-> passing it on to you. Temporary relief is his payoff. It will be very difficult for him to break this pattern, this habit even if he is completely committed. If he goes to therapy, a good therapist would want to see the two of you together so to teach him and have him practice interpersonal skills with you, such as how to communicate respectfully WHEN in pain.

A good therapist would see that priority number one is establishing good interpersonal skills between the two of you. Not resolving his pain first, but TEACH HIM HOW TO NOT LASH OUT AT YOU WHILE HE IS IN PAIN.

The conversation with him today is part of that roller-coaster ride, isn’t it?

By the way, I can’t imagine his problem being a mid life crisis. It seems to me a deeper issue going back to his childhood. Maybe it seemed like he was okay before the three years but his past caught up with him… and unfortunately for you, his past caught up with you as well.

If I was you I would divorce him as soon as possible, put an end to it. And resurrect my career and live life away from the same old same old… you paid your price to Misery by having had the mother you had, and then you paid more in the last three years. Really, you had no debt to Misery, no price to pay, but you paid anyway.

Enough!

anita