Marisol,

You’re very welcome. I’m glad my advice has helped you.

Great thing you thought it out and saw for yourself that this time around it is very similar to back when he was cheating on you. It raises your awareness and perspective as to everything that is going on with you and him.

“He is always attempting to keep me around while he goes off and has his fun because I do believe that ultimately he feels like I am the long term plan for his life.” I’m sure that is true as well, because it seems to be like it is what a lot of guys do, especially when they are young. They seem to think that we will just wait around until they are done having their fun.

“what makes me the most upset is the inability to see that this time in our lives is only temporary so why not make the correct decisions?” He is not able to see that this will all pass sooner than he realizes because he isn’t as aware or as conscious as you are. He seems to live by his impulses and whims, while you think things through and analyze them, wanting to make the right choice. At our age, many guys seem to live like he does, giving into desires, wants, impulses, etc. I guess they do it because they think that in the grand scheme of things, this little phase will not matter, so why not have fun? It is also more than likely that they believe they can get away with anything for the time being, otherwise they wouldn’t do what they do.

“I understand the importance of people and relationships and wont waste meaningful connections on temporary flings.” See, that’s the difference, your ex does not understand. Perhaps it’s hormones or his thought rationale that impedes him from realizing this, I really don’t know. You simply are just more aware than he is.

“he doesn’t exactly believe or understand that there will not be anyone that will be there for him like I was” Again, this shows how childlike/ teenager he still is. However, based on your past actions this is why he believes that you will stick around, because you stayed before when times were hard.

“I thought I would just go back and try once more.” That would be easy wouldn’t it? After all, you’ve already been with him for so long that it almost seems unfair to give up after everything the two of you have been through. It’s not easy to give up on something that you want so badly to work out, on something that you have put in a lot of effort.

“I understand that the relationship isn’t about power but I really took to heart that while I am feeling helpless I really have so much power in the situation.” You’re right, it’s not about power. It is about a balance between the two of you, at least ideally. Realistically one of you might have more control or power than the other. However, you are right, you do have so much power in the situation. There are so many choices you can make. The reason you feel powerless is because you are so used to giving in to his demands and actions. You are used to adapting just so that the relationship can flow smoother, and by doing that you were relinquishing some power.

“In a really fucked up cruel way that no one can understand I do feel as if he loves me and I feel like I need to use that and this situation to my advantage.” Trust me, I understand fully. They just love in a very different and twisted way. My ex is the same. Others might not see it as love, but I’ve been there and I know what you mean.

“In a crazy way I believe that the universe is recreating this situation in order for me to do the right thing for myself!” This is a great way to look at it and to make different choices.

I like what you said to him. Not depending on answer from him and again choosing to enforce the no contact rule and trying to move on.

“I don’t want to lie and say that I don’t have hopes of us being together in the future. I see a lot of potential in him if he was willing to just change these ways of his. I do feel like it takes losing someone to realize what they were worth but how could he even begin to do that when I never allow him the space to feel like I am gone forever?” It’s good that you are being realistic with yourself. And you’re right, you do need to give him space in order for him to understand that you are gone. Otherwise he’ll never get the memo and start acting the same again.

“The moment I start ignoring him he realizes I am something worth pursuing and I mean contacting my friend and finding any means necessary to get into contact with me , even creepy things!” Him doing this shows he obviously cares for you, regardless of his methods. And I believe that as he seeks you out and realizes you are not paying attention or giving in so easily, he will start to reflect on his actions and change.

“He also told me that If I were to reject him, or if I were to ignore him or not respond that he would find me by any means and continue to try because he believes ultimately that he wants to be with me. If this is all really true then I have came to the realization that I need too see these things come to pass. I shouldn’t be so easy to just call whenever he says and make myself so available that he stops trying. It would be interesting to see whether these things he says are true.” Yes, you do need to let these things come to pass.

It might sound like I’m telling you to play hard to get, which I’m not. I’m just saying to let this all play out, and see how far he is willing to go for you, to get your attention, to win you back, to prove he has changed. This is all something that you need to see, and I’m sure that when the come times, whether in a few months, a year, or several, you’ll come to your own realization of whether he is now in a better place or he still is not where he needs to be.

So give it time. See how things pan out with him. Pay attention to his efforts and analyze them. I’m sure that when the time comes, you’ll know. If it doesn’t come, then don’t give up, know that the universe has other things in store for you.

Post again with updates and let me know how it is going. Tell me about his attempts to contact you and say how they make you feel and analyze them and see if he is closer to where he needs to be. Also, if you’re ever in doubt, post again, I’ll respond.